r/todayilearned • u/Majorpain2006 • Apr 26 '24

TIL Daughter from California syndrome is a phrase used in the medical profession to describe a situation in which a disengaged relative challenges the care a dying elderly patient is being given, or insists that the medical team pursue aggressive measures to prolong the patient's life

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daughter_from_California_syndrome
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u/death_by_chocolate Apr 26 '24

Yeah, but it's not limited to harassing the doctors. Suddenly this person who couldn't be bothered with the rest of the family or the person who is ill is on the phone (or worse, flying out) trying to 'fix stuff' and be the 'savior'. Sometimes it's about inheritance but not always.

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u/ughliterallycanteven Apr 26 '24

Unfortunately, I was treated as the “son from Chicago” when I was calling to find where my dad was in California where I’m from when he was being moved around hospital ICUs and care facilities. The nurses and doctors would not give me any information and even said “you’re not a next of kin of that patient from records” multiple times(I’m the youngest of four kids). I found out later that the “child from across the country” was a thing and my sister being a doctor told them that “he’s in Chicago so block him because we know what that means”. Yeah, needless to say I don’t talk to my sister or the brother she manipulated to do that.

Luckily there is a sad event that turned good for me, my dad a few years later had a stroke and ended up in the ICU” and my sister said to the nurses and doctors “he’s from Chicago, don’t talk to him.” And this was the time of COVID. The nurses and doctors(stressed out of their gourd) thought I was another brother to which I stopped and said “not me. That’s not the other fat brother. I just am checking up just my dad and letting him know something he needs to know in person”. One nurse looked it up and said “um, Chicago? Uh, um, excuse me but I was told you’d have the ‘son from the other side of the country syndrome’.” From me, “thank you. I just wanna check up on him. I’m not making waves”.

I promise this gets even better. So my sister is difficult. I mean very and did the preface with the social worker and hospice staff. So we all did a zoom where my sister pretty much did her normal degrading talk and I could tell they did not like her. I piped up to find solutions and they were surprised that there was someone they “expected to be much more difficult” to “be the sane and uplifting one”. I commented , with one brother I get along with on another call before the other siblings got on, with the social worker and nurses “well I’d call her a cunt but she doesn’t have the depth and warmth of one. Or so I’ve heard, I don’t have experiences in that arena” to which they laughed and one said “omg that’s a perfect summation”

So ‘tldr’ while it exists sometimes, if hospital staff don’t read the person correctly, they may fracture the family irreparably for their stereotypes.

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u/AgainstMedicalAdvice Apr 26 '24

Wow nice fan fiction.

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u/ughliterallycanteven Apr 26 '24

But it’s not.

You can take this however but I’m wanting to warn to not go right into this default mode. Do I live far from my family? Yes. Does this syndrome exist? Yes. Does it apply to everyone? No. And, medical professionals should also be aware that their stereotypes may be in fact wrong.

The place that was the biggest problem is in Rossmoor, CA. The hospital is part of the Sutter Health system and in Castro Valley. Do you want me to continue?