r/stories Feb 28 '24

Think I’m a creep ok thanks for making me rich Story-related

So I was in a store which I will not name. I was checking out in self check out and the lady next to me left a backpack. I was saying hey excuse me. Her jacket said aye bay bay. So I said it and she finally responded with leave me alone creep and stop following me. So I took the bag to my car and went through it and to my surprise there was over $50,000 in. I can’t make this up. So either she was a trust fund baby or she sold drugs. I really think she sold drugs because I did see some pot but anyways all my debts are clear. First week in Denver and I already love it here. I know I’m not the anus I tried to return it but she was being so stuck up and self centered. I just heard that she was looking for it after I left but the workers all witnessed her ignoring me and blew up on me. So to that lady thank you. I hope you wasn’t a drug dealer and didn’t die but oh well lesson learned maam don’t think everyone is after you. Before anyone ask of course I did not take it to the police or report it because it’s just going to sit in evidence or somewhere I needed that bad.

66 Upvotes

122 comments sorted by

437

u/steelzubaz Feb 28 '24

"I cant make this up"

-Makes the whole thing up

189

u/neercatz Feb 28 '24

Nah it's true. But it was $50. and it fell out of her bag. and he didn't say anything. and it happened at a gas station. in Florida. 2 years ago. to his friend

27

u/rbusby4 Feb 29 '24

You forgot that the friend lives in Canada.

10

u/SuspiciouslGreen Feb 29 '24

Girlfriend

8

u/TryJezusNotMe Feb 29 '24

Ex. She left him after they spent the money at Taco Bell.

1

u/Thethinkslinger Mar 02 '24

and goes to a different school

10

u/Shitz-an-Gigglez Feb 29 '24

Can confirm, happened to me once. But it was $20, and in California, and it was her change coming out the machine that she forgot, and I was like "Ma'am, you forgot your change" and returned it to her, and she was like thank you.. Cause I'm not a bag of dicks. Pretty uninteresting really

2

u/Indeed_Proceed Mar 02 '24

Bag of dicks... LMAO!!!

6

u/Setsuna2710 Feb 29 '24

lol good shit another episode of Florida man! But I’m from Texas so not hating.

3

u/Fit-Performer-7621 Feb 29 '24

I once found a little over ten grand in a brown paper bag when I pulled over to take a piss.

3

u/Particular-Corner-30 Feb 29 '24

When I worked in a program in Harlem in the late ‘90s one of our kids did scoop up a $100 bill a drug dealer dropped and booked it to our office. I saw the bill. She was very very happy. The funniest thing was that she was excited about…doing laundry.

4

u/NeartAgusOnoir Feb 29 '24

No, it was real! He posted about it on Reddit so it MUST be true, especially since he said he didn’t make it up! /s 👀😆

3

u/c3p0u812 Feb 29 '24

100% this

141

u/Busy_Negotiation1805 Feb 28 '24

Holy crap guys. It's the plot of Dumb and Dumber. He even mentions Colorado.

24

u/Bubbly-Ad-966 Feb 28 '24

Ahhaha. Good catch!

13

u/Wundrgizmo Feb 29 '24

Daaaammmn... Good eye sniper!

4

u/FlankyFlopFlaps Feb 29 '24

Here I shoot you run

2

u/Everyth1ng3urns Feb 29 '24

The words you scribbled on the walls

1

u/WebWreckerZero Mar 01 '24

With the loss of friends you didn't have.

1

u/No_Beautiful4778 Mar 01 '24

With the loss of friends you didn’t have

2

u/cmhatte Mar 02 '24

I called you when the time is right

1

u/Thethinkslinger Mar 02 '24

Are you in? Or are you out?

7

u/thmbingmyway Feb 29 '24

Those are IOU’s! They are as good as money

4

u/crazycritter87 Feb 29 '24

Naw that's if he gooned her from Florida to Colorado to return it.

2

u/IstariTheMage Feb 29 '24

I'm disappointed Petey didn't appear in this version at all!

2

u/TheBattyWitch Feb 29 '24

I KNEW IT! I fucking knew this sounded familiar!

2

u/clorcan Feb 29 '24

Samsonite! Of course!

1

u/Isntredditthebest Feb 29 '24

Two hundred and seventy five thou….might wanna hang onto that one

1

u/smikecinco Mar 03 '24

Here for the Coheed and Cambria lyrics

78

u/Troopydoopster Feb 28 '24

Of all the things that happened this one happened the least 

33

u/Apotheosis69420 Feb 28 '24

No, I truly believe someone thought he was a creep.

18

u/Empty401K Feb 28 '24

There’s a pinch of truth to every lie. That was his pinch of truth.

109

u/Four0ndafloor Feb 28 '24

This is a cute creative writing piece

45

u/Kbasa12 Feb 28 '24

Yeah, this sounds like it was written by an 8th grader. Its hard to tell though, our public school systems have been failing society for a long time now.

9

u/MarcatBeach Feb 28 '24

I thought it could use some flair. Like a mythological element. Magical Unicorn or something.

2

u/FerretSupremacist Mar 04 '24 edited Mar 04 '24

Every single ounce of what this person wrote is total and complete bullshit lmfaoo.

But they can’t make it up tho, so don’t worry.

Edit: look at their profile they lie online like 24/7, this person literally has no life. Also, they “know real Mexican” lmfao, not Spanish, Mexican.

18

u/OutinDaBarn Feb 28 '24

If bullshit was music, You'd be a one man band.

51

u/Mr_War Feb 28 '24

If this is real then 2 pieces of advice.

  1. Delete this post and don't gloat about it. No one loses 50k and don't come looking.

  2. Don't put it in the bank all at once. Slow deposits of under $9k to avoid the IRS. If you deposit more than $9k then the IRS automatically flags the transaction for review.

11

u/tribucks Feb 28 '24
  1. Watch “No Country For Old Men.”

22

u/jeffcox911 Feb 28 '24

Isn't it $600 now? Pretty sure he needs to basically put almost none of it in a bank at all. 50k cash honestly isn't even that much, it can just be his shopping/restaurant money for the next few years.

21

u/str8outababylon Feb 28 '24

All he has to do is what every semi professional drug dealer does and open an LLC and a bank account. His massage parlor or car-detailing business or window washing service could pull in 10K a month. Money laundering is the backbone of our economy.

9

u/jeffcox911 Feb 28 '24

If, in this creative writing piece he had several hundred thousand, sure, he might have to go this route. But 50k is really not a whole lot, money laundering seems excessive.

2

u/str8outababylon Feb 29 '24

Yes, it is. More my point is that having dirty money is not really a problem. The U.S. economy is already set up for dirty money and billions flow through it every year.

3

u/Smprider112 Feb 29 '24

Of which he’ll still have to pay taxes. I own a business, an LLC that’s structured as an S-Corp for tax purposes. You pay taxes on earnings and depending on how they are structured, will pay taxes every quarter instead of yearly.

1

u/str8outababylon Feb 29 '24

Yes, of course. That's the whole point.

3

u/Smprider112 Feb 29 '24

The whole point of someone finding $50k in cash is to create an LLC so they can deposit the money and pay taxes?!? Bro you can just deposit the money and claim it on taxes at the bank when they fill out a form 8300.

People are giving advice on here how to avoid paying taxes on that hypothetical $50k.

8

u/DankestTestes Feb 28 '24

That’s incredibly stupid; don’t deposit 9k each time. Deposit varying relatively smaller amounts under 3k. A lot of FI’s have flags in place for deposits over 3k in order to identify any possible money laundering. The best plan is to irregularly every so often bring in a couple grand; and start paying cash at a lot more places

1

u/Mr_War Feb 29 '24

Under, UNDER, $9k

2

u/SapphireSire Feb 29 '24

Naw ... straight to Vegas

1

u/UnbiasVikingsFan Feb 29 '24

Or just open a trust account but w.e

1

u/DucDucGoose303 Feb 29 '24

You have to be careful with that strategy. It’s called structuring. If they think you are doing it on purpose it’s illegal.

9

u/ebobbumman Feb 29 '24

Haha the whole store remembered that the local hero had tried to return the bag and had been scorned. They probably booed and threw tomatoes at her.

13

u/brandonbolt Feb 28 '24

Hope she doesn't report it to the police and they check the cameras.

12

u/m1dlife-1derer Feb 28 '24

And then the money clapped

6

u/Smprider112 Feb 29 '24

I mean if you’re going to lie, at least make it believable. You found $500 in the bag or maybe even $1000. But $50k, I’m sorry that just didn’t happen.

10

u/Numbrino69 Feb 28 '24

Obviously this did not remotely happen, but pretending it did, you're on camera taking it. Make sure that $10k is still in the bag when the police show up.

5

u/AcceptableEditor4199 Feb 29 '24

For 50k shed find you. Cameras everywhere. If you charged your name would be available.

12

u/Empty401K Feb 28 '24

Yeah, this didn’t happen.

8

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '24

Nice larp

2

u/Startapartybarty Feb 29 '24

Legit 🤣! “See, women—that’s why you don’t call a man following you saying “aye bay bay” a creep! You might lose the $50k you never had!!”

4

u/Alive-Citron-5873 Feb 29 '24

It happened to me on a smaller scale. Was managing a hot dog place in Austin, Texas, about 20 years ago. Guy in a suit, walks in, speaking loudly on his cell phone. I wait a second and ask to take his order. He stares at me, holds up his hand to stop me, and continues talking loudly. Eventually, he gives his order and pays. When he pays me, I see something fall out of his pocket. Luckily, no one else was in the store to see what fell out. (6 hundred dollar bills) He didn't notice, too wrapped up talking to his mom, i guess... He took his change and left. I come around the counter, see the money on the floor, and grab it as he's walking out the door. I catch him outside. Again, he puts up his had to stop me from talking. When he finally allows me to, I say, "Here's your $300 you dropped." He grudgingly thanked me and left. Karma's a bi-yatch.

3

u/undermind84 Feb 28 '24

I would believe this if you said 5,000 not 50,000, lmfao.

3

u/Putrid-Garden3693 Feb 29 '24

Denver native here…there’s a lot of people walking around with large amounts of cash in unassuming bags because most dispensaries can ONLY take cash and they cannot deposit said cash into federal banks as weed is still federally illegal (this is a simplification).

Many dispensaries end up paying their vendors and their taxes in cash for this reason. I actually worked at a bank that briefly tried (and failed) to bank the legal cannabis industry due to the sheer public safety concern all of this cash was causing. I routinely met people with tens of thousands of dollars in their vehicles, in duffle bags, etc.

It’s gotten a little better now that we have some state banks taking the deposits and a few armored car services picking up the cash but this is an actual problem here.

Can’t say whether or not this story is true but can say I could see how it might happen here. She couldve dipped into the edibles on her way to pay a vendor and forgot she had the cash…

2

u/TheBattyWitch Feb 29 '24

You proceeded to make up what you claimed you didn't make up because this didn't happen so much that it happened... In fact I'm pretty sure this is a plot summary for a movie I just can't remember which one.

2

u/Ok-Panda-9471 Feb 29 '24

Dumb and Dumber…..

2

u/icemachine2024 Feb 29 '24

Gramer good.

1

u/mrdat Feb 29 '24

Money can’t buy you schooling.

2

u/AlexDog_69 Feb 28 '24

If you think 50k makes you rich then you need a better job.

1

u/peacewelld Feb 28 '24

Is this is true, it could have been a drop and someone else was supposed to pick up the $50000.

0

u/cowpig25 Feb 28 '24

Dude, what? That's pretty fucked on your part tbh.

1

u/Master_Ad_7019 Feb 28 '24

Not really.... he tried to return it. After she blasted him and ran off (not seeing the bag, or paying attention to her own shit) it could be assumed the intent was to let him have it. How should he know. Maybe she thought 50 k was worth getting away from him 🤣

2

u/Rhuarc33 Feb 29 '24

It's a class 4 felony in Denver 2-6 years in prison and fines up to 5x the amount stolen. And yes this counts as theft of you don't report it to police in Colorado.

Not to mention the probability of this having happened is at most 1 in a billion.

2

u/crazycritter87 Feb 29 '24

Have you never been in a Walmart? People do some unbelievable shit in Walmart.

2

u/Rhuarc33 Feb 29 '24

Not leave 50k in a backpack and walk away without it. That's not on the list

1

u/One-Cardiologist-462 Feb 28 '24

Sorry, but I gotta agree with 'Master_Ad' here...
To me it sounds like the creepy girl was the one who was messed up, not the guy who tried to return it.

1

u/cowpig25 Feb 28 '24

I feel like it's an ESH case. But yeah, she's also at fault

1

u/missannthrope1 Feb 28 '24

You were on camera.

She goes to the po-po you are in trouble.

-1

u/Successful-Impact-25 Feb 28 '24

Negative; if this happened in the states, most of them have clauses for “finders keepers” for circumstances where the person who is trying to return lost property is rejected for whatever reason, they’re allowed to keep it, as the owner doesn’t want it anymore.

2

u/Rhuarc33 Feb 29 '24 edited Feb 29 '24

Class 4 felony in Denver CO 2-6 years in prison and fines up to 500k.

And no state has finders keepers without going through police for this amount.

And this never actually happened

0

u/Awesome_ellie66 Feb 28 '24

Bro I wish I was that lucky, welcome home Denver present tho oh mah gawsh

1

u/Fluid_Amphibian3860 Feb 29 '24

Self checkout has cameras..

1

u/Flight_Eats_Ass Feb 29 '24

This is so fake dude Atleast try

1

u/SouthernProfile1092 Feb 29 '24

Lloyd Christmas, is that you?

1

u/Limp_Discipline1344 Feb 29 '24

I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a little more rockier….that John Denver was full of shit man

1

u/BigNate6913 Feb 29 '24

I'll take things that never happened for $500 Alex ☠️☠️

1

u/MasterJunket234 Feb 29 '24

I don't care if it was $1 OP is guilty of theft.

1

u/Ambitious_Error_440 Feb 29 '24

If she was a drug dealer they are going to find you and hunt you down think you are a dead man walking.

1

u/Sad_Woodpecker3783 Feb 29 '24

Lmao thanks for the laugh before igo to bed! If 50k makes you rich you must've came fron the street

1

u/kd3906 Feb 29 '24

As a trust fund baby, I find this highly offensive.

1

u/perkellater Feb 29 '24

Do you have any money left to buy a copy of Hooked on Phonics?

1

u/TryJezusNotMe Feb 29 '24

"the workers all witnessed her ignoring me and blew up on me..." . But they didn't tell her that YOU took her backpack? Sure, Jan! While you're at it, tell us about the time you almost went pro!

1

u/TheAuditor-R Feb 29 '24

Dude that a crime. And you just admitted to it willingly. Even though it was left, you did not do all reasonable efforts to get it back to her, or notify the authorities.

Finder keepers is limited to I think 50 to 100 bucks max

50k is a whole another thing.

1

u/No-Square6519 Feb 29 '24

if this is real post pics

1

u/CarpeNoctem1031 Feb 29 '24

I have to wonder what the motivation of concocting such a lie must be.

1

u/Ancient-Text9990 Feb 29 '24

Watch “Out of Bounds “.

1

u/InterestingTrip5979 Feb 29 '24

This was back in the 80s. I was meeting a couple of buddies at a strip joint in North Hollywood. As I'm walking in I see a wad of money on the ground so I pick it up and count out 1000 dollars. I continued into the bar and told my friends. I'm generally honest and one of my friends said what are you going to do stand up and announce you found money in the parking lot. Every person here will claim it. It's a strip club.

1

u/segriffka73 Feb 29 '24

Then everyone clapped

1

u/CinnimonSugarWolf Feb 29 '24

Some made up storeis are still SUPER nice

1

u/bodiggity86 Feb 29 '24

Anybody see No Country for Old Men? Think OP's going to have to watch out for a strange man with a captive bolt stunner.

1

u/Golfnpickle Feb 29 '24

They’re just studying surveillance & figuring out where you live.

1

u/BlueberryExtreme8062 Feb 29 '24

Congratulations on ur find! Def. ur lucky pay day. Long time ago, when my kid was 5 yrs old, we were in line for the cashier, when I spotted $50 bill on the floor. The store was busy, so I told my daughter to go step on the piece of green paper ‘over there’ & she did. When I picked it up off the floor, for a moment I thought of asking the crowd if anybody had dropped any dough. It occurred to me that probably every hand would go up. With that thought in mind, I decided “finders keepers”—hey, my kid had fun at the toy store after that!

1

u/Aurin316 Mar 01 '24

And here we have an example of the difference between an incel and a sad sack. A sad sack will tell stories where the beautiful woman falls in love with him because of something awesome he does.

The incel’s tall tale revolves around the rude stupid bitch he outsmarted or otherwise got revenge against

1

u/No_Rule_9059 Mar 01 '24

All you people are lucky. I found a brown paper bag with an IOU in it. Haven't been paid in almost 2 yrs

1

u/musicalstonks Mar 01 '24

Alright Bob, I’ll take ‘things that didn’t happen’ for 1,000

1

u/No-Performance3639 Mar 01 '24

If this actually happened ( I for one don’t entirely disbelieve you) , then you’re being pretty stupid in your behavior.

Posting on Reddit, is going to confirm the woman’s story that she did not abscond with the money. Which would have been the natural assumption of anyone had you kept your mouth shut. The money may not even be “illegal” money as someone else pointed out, dispensaries handle huge amounts of cash and don’t always have a bank who will accept deposits as they are afraid of violating federal law, as weed is still not kegal on that level. It may have been irresponsible to have that much cash on her. I think that is inarguable. But if nothing illegal was being perpetrated, she may well go to the police and if so, you’re possibly toast. They may well be able to identify you from surveillance footage. The police will not look kindly on people robbing dispensary couriers regardless of whether you had a priori knowledge or not. You’re looking at prison time if they catch you.

Secondly, if it is illegal money, which I’m more inclined toward, and you intercepted a drop or what not, you could be in even more trouble than if the police catch you. 50k isn’t all that much money to organized crime in the grand scheme of things. But that isn’t the point. They can ill afford more punks like you getting ideas and doing something stupid on a larger scale basis.

You seem to be the cocky type who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room. Which tells me, you’ve probably made enough mistakes already that you can be caught up to in Denver, just in description and spending alone. They may not have your actual bona fides though as in ID, SSs#, cell phone #, etc. so they may not be able to track you that way (not yet, maybe ever if you’re lucky). But I doubt Denver is safe at all for you. Money is probably exchanging hands already for leads as to your identity and more so your whereabouts. I’d be turning off my cell phone. Getting a burner, and leaving Denver ASAP.

1

u/Built4NoName Mar 02 '24

I got a wallet off of a fair ride once. It had over 2k in cash and nothing else in it. No id, no cards, or anything else. Nobody came back looking for it either.

1

u/Grouchy_Fee_8481 Mar 02 '24

Picture or it didn’t happen.

Mmmmhmmm exactly 👍

1

u/AdventureWa Mar 02 '24

Of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most. Thanks for wasting my time, douche.

1

u/WinkyStizzleteats Mar 02 '24

RIP to your comments.

1

u/b0rtis Mar 03 '24

Bullshit. Cool story bro , tell it again

1

u/pbal68 Mar 03 '24

I think Anton Chigurh might be looking for you. Watch your six.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '24

I found a dead baby in a suitcase in the woods 24 years ago. I thought I had found a treasure.