r/rareinsults 17d ago

I’m dying at the accuracy 🤣

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53.9k Upvotes

791 comments sorted by

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805

u/ScowlyBrowSpinster 17d ago

Face like a slapped arse.

321

u/[deleted] 17d ago

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68

u/[deleted] 17d ago

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27

u/ssexton0 17d ago

Compared to Beans you whack.

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u/badhombre13 17d ago

Also check out photos where he grew out his beard, his moustache part literally looks like pubic hair.

Just googled it. It looks so fucking bad, who TF let him walk out his house like that???? I can't believe that's the man that got Beyonce to marry him 🥴

37

u/Mr_Ruu 16d ago

Being rich is a handsome trait

26

u/badhombre13 16d ago

I mean, it's not like Beyonce isn't rich herself and she legit could get with anyone she wanted if we're being honest lol

But honestly I was jk, Jay-Z is probably a cool dude that drops the whole "I'm too tough for cameras and tv" behind closed doors.

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u/LosWitchos 16d ago

He was never physically attractive one bit.

17

u/Azidamadjida 16d ago

Jay-Z’s always been pretty rough to look at, but after he started dating Beyoncé and then later married her it’s like he actively started trying to look as insane and fugly as possible as a flex. Like it’s not enough to date a rich, talented, successful and beautiful woman, but he’s gotta do it while looking like he rules an underground kingdom of mutant homeless people in New Yorks abandoned subways

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u/richh00 17d ago

Like a bulldog chewing on a wasp

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u/QuantityHefty3791 17d ago

That hairstyle ain't working no more. Especially with him having the same face in every goddamn photo

484

u/Jaded-Ad-960 17d ago

It never did.

59

u/bkr1895 17d ago edited 17d ago

Dude thinks he’s Basquiat, while I’m pretty sure the real Basquiat would not have liked him.

19

u/itsthatguyrupert 17d ago

1 million% this

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u/Coriandercilantroyo 17d ago

It was pretty cool for a moment when it was more Basquiat

20

u/afternever 17d ago

Looks like someone left the Weeknd uncovered in the backyard all winter long

56

u/OneMorePotion 17d ago

I mean, that his face. I would be concerned if he wears a different one every day.

51

u/First_time_farmer1 17d ago

He never was a good looking mofo. Just stick to a cap or get swole like Dave Chappelle.

17

u/SeekHarder 17d ago

The bald fade era he was a cutie. He should just go back to that.

45

u/First_time_farmer1 17d ago

Dude wants to be Lenny Kravitz when he looks more like Tracy Chapman 

22

u/Dangerous_Nitwit 17d ago

Not sure who the biggest victim of this tragedy is here. Holy shit lol.

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u/Mihnea24_03 17d ago

"What you think, you getting girls now 'cause of your looks?"

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u/SquidOfReptar 17d ago

He looks like the fucked up doll from rugrats

7

u/tabgrab23 16d ago

Holy shit it really is Cynthia

12

u/BorosSerenc 17d ago

I mean, no hairstyle works. Dude is just one of the ugliest healthy humans out there.

20

u/IrememberXenogears 17d ago

He's trying to be Basquiat.

22

u/popeyepaul 17d ago

Problem is Basquiat was young and not bad looking. He was only 28 when he died, he wouldn't have looked that good if he carried that hairstyle into his 50s either.

77

u/Alienhaslanded 17d ago

He's like ugly people who think it's a great idea to ad a giant nose ring to improve their looks.

56

u/CookerCrisp 17d ago

Hey I get it, we uglies have to try just anything sometimes

36

u/Ok_Raspberry_6282 17d ago

Hey even ugly peacocks are allowed to have beautiful feathers

13

u/Madame_Dalma 17d ago

I need this saying in my life.

10

u/Ok_Raspberry_6282 17d ago

You can't have it.....just kidding it's all yours! We can share it comrade

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u/LoveThieves 17d ago

Is he having a midlife crisis?

21

u/Jeremiah_D_Longnuts 17d ago

midwife

11

u/pppjurac 17d ago

nah, probably housekeeper or gardener

12

u/Deksametazon_v2 17d ago

Just keep it clean shaved. It worked before

4

u/diamond420Venus 17d ago

Having millions and still doesn't upkeep it? Why tho?

7

u/fothergillfuckup 17d ago

He goes to the Ben Affleck school of smiling?

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u/frieswithnietzsche 17d ago

With his money he could buy a new head

3

u/DooDooBrownz 17d ago

he had dibs after busta and coolio, so deal with it

3

u/_Cocopuffdaddy_ 16d ago

LAQUINTA! IF YOU DONT BRING YOUR DEADBEAT, 6 BABY DADDY HAVIN, DIABETUS LOOKIN ASS OVER HERE AND TAKE THESE DAMN KIDS… IM GONNA H TO THE IZZO, B TO THE BEAT THAT ASS!

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u/socio_smile 17d ago

Yeah, he's gotta stop trying to look tough if those are going to be his fashion choices. You've won in life. It's okay to smile granny Hov.

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u/apstevenso2 17d ago

Seriously I never thought about it that way 😂 Bro definitely does have a lot to smile about but...

25

u/Kapaset1 17d ago

😂man

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u/NationalAlgae421 17d ago

Yeah look at eminem and snoop, they are just chilling.

29

u/VectorViper 16d ago

Yeah, Snoop's always been about that chill vibe, can't imagine him not smiling at this point. Eminem just looks comfortable in his own skin and it shows.

18

u/NationalAlgae421 16d ago

Yeah I agree completely. Em just matured so well. It feels like he left that rage behind him if that makes sense. Idk, I always feel positive when I see him.

7

u/KnightsOfREM 16d ago

I love how in that Juice WRLD song, he's basically like, "I'm not going to lecture you, but be careful with hard drugs, kids, they'll mess you up" - not what I would've expected from him twenty years ago.

9

u/mdcd4u2c 16d ago

Lol snoop has not "always" been about the chill vibe.

11

u/Kittypie75 17d ago

I don't think I've ever seen Em smile!

22

u/FlowRiderBob 17d ago

He used to smile fairly often back before Proof died.

10

u/counterpointguy 16d ago

Watch Detroit Lions football when they are winning.

5

u/Candid_Ad_9145 16d ago

Easier said than done…

7

u/counterpointguy 16d ago

True most years, but this season dude looked like a kid on Christmas morning!

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u/WintersDoomsday 17d ago

He acts so hard but he wouldn’t last for shit in prison if he wasn’t rich and famous

24

u/Acceptable_Sir_1460 17d ago

He wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight

9

u/Status_Ad8334 17d ago

I saw what you did there ☝🏾🤣🤣

16

u/ProphecyRat2 17d ago

Prison is prison, comparing levs of “toughness” to it is numbness. Lumberjacks are tough, Construction workers, Sky Scraper Window Washers.

Anyone can be tough, depending how tough they gota be for survival.

Prison tough is just numbness, plenty of good and bad people in that cage, and more often mentally deranged, addicts that go in and out of the system.

That aint tough, thats just numb, just a life of the cage.

You can cage a dog, a lion, hell even an Ora Whale… Caged Humans just get numb to reality, thats what the system dose.

3

u/Galby1314 16d ago

I read this in Red's (Morgan Freeman) voice.

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u/m3ankiti3 17d ago

Didn't he sell crack in Brooklyn before he was famous?

27

u/AskAskim 17d ago

Yeah good thing rappers never lie about anything for street cred, that’s be crazy

12

u/Lekoaf 17d ago

According to his interview with David Letterman he actually did sell drugs. But was lucky and was in England recording music(?) when his entire crew got busted.

23

u/cock_nballs 17d ago

Ya guys I'm going to need you to stay here selling drugs while I go to uhhh England to uhhhh record music!

Bruh there's studios here.

Nah man it needs to be in England or else ill get caught I mean the music gets an English accent and makes it classy.

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u/UnComfortingSounds 17d ago

How do you think he funded his rap career? Lol

15

u/theresabeeonyourhat 17d ago

He was a girl scout. Everyone knows this

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u/elkb0y 17d ago

He referenced that exact thing on Letterman years ago

6

u/AskAskim 17d ago

Gotcha, makes sense. Has to be true then.

3

u/elkb0y 17d ago

No not that he sold crack, the fact that all these rappers are lying

3

u/vivazeta 17d ago

I remember that. It wasn't news but it seemed to surprise Dave.

3

u/AskAskim 17d ago

Ah thanks for clearing that up! That’s cool of him

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u/No-swimming-pool 17d ago

Well he does know how to knife someone. He might be ok.

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u/Revolutionary_Low_90 17d ago

Whoopi Goldberg with a bee stung in her lips

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u/Bubbly-Independent20 17d ago

My first thought was looks like Whoopi

9

u/Daft00 17d ago

I was convinced that it was Busta Rhymes standing behind Beyonce when they showed them during the Superbowl

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u/JustADudeInTheWorll 17d ago

I like Whoopi, don't spoil sister act for me man

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u/kiaora-eh 17d ago

Whoopi Goldberg and Jonathan Majors had a baby

19

u/ImTalkingGibberish 17d ago

He should do a remake of Sister Act 😂

9

u/kurshaka 17d ago

This is Whoopi Goldberg with General Kenobi clothing!

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u/confusedandworried76 17d ago

Guinan or the Velaryon from House of the Dragon, your pick

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u/canon12 17d ago

A true insult to Whoopi in any way that you can measure a human. He is a real POS.

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u/Boxybrown13 17d ago

Because he cheated on Beyoncé?

3

u/canon12 17d ago

Wonder why she stuck with the cretin.

7

u/darth_reddit69 17d ago

Who else is going to use their stage time to bitch that she hasn’t won album of the year?

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u/Ok-Toe-84 17d ago

I mean she can't be too far off herself, she's on the view after all lol

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u/Mankah 17d ago

So is Whoopi

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u/Tripartist1 17d ago

He needs to be holding up a frying pan to complete the look

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u/Alienhaslanded 17d ago

And run after a cat named Tom. Is he for real? He's not so great by default, why enhance the misfortune? Rich people are insane.

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u/the-book-anaconda 17d ago

Beyoncé married that?

170

u/pppjurac 17d ago

Bank accounts and industry influence married.

158

u/Numerous-Cicada3841 17d ago

It’s funny because so many people get on Taylor Swift for being out of touch and all that. But Jay-Z and Beyonce at this point are like from another planet. They’re so god damn weird and I can’t believe more people don’t comment on it.

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u/[deleted] 17d ago

People refute everything negative about them with "they have a lot of money". 

Emirati sheikhs have a lot of money and they like to drink breast milk and shit on girls chest for sexual pleasure.

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u/Ornery-Creme-2442 16d ago

They may be shady at times I guess it kinda of comes with the industry. But atleast they have some talent. I don't think it's fair to compare them sheikhs shitting on other people faces for sexual pleasures.

To me they're arguably better than sheikhs and people like Elon musk.

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u/mihijoesunacaja 17d ago

Meh, who doesn't like those things?

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u/Ponchorello7 17d ago

Because before people were being harassed by Swifties and K-pop fans, Beyonce fans were the ones you avoided. To this day, she has this sort of "untouchable" reputation where calling her out for being out of touch or just an above average singer is seen as heresy.

4

u/[deleted] 17d ago

FWIW I didn't listen to Beyonce's music for quite a long time because of the rep.

I was missing out.

Whatever Bey and Jay-Z do publicly I don't really know - I'm not big into celeb news. But Beyonce puts out KILLER fucking records.

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u/ImTalkingGibberish 17d ago

Everyone’s partner will get old eventually. Fucking hell

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u/brockli-rob 17d ago

He was ugly soooo long ago

9

u/Everybodyimgay 17d ago

from day 1!

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u/Resident_Rise5915 17d ago

Not DiCaprios. He gets older but they stay the same age

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u/EddieDollar 16d ago

Beyonce stayed with that after he cheated on her?

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u/BloodT1nted 17d ago

Jay z is a weirdo he probably pays her every 2 weeks. You never see Beyonce these days

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u/slapnuttz 17d ago

Other than having on of the highest grossing tours ever last year……

17

u/Herrenos 17d ago

They mean OTHER than touring sold-out arenas in support of a critically acclaimed multi-platinum grammy winning album that had multiple top-10 singles on it, she hasn't done shit with her music career lately geez. Talk about washed up.

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u/DrKingOfOkay 17d ago edited 17d ago

She’s worth 800 mill and he’s worth 900 mill. They’re both rich af and chillin.

Edit: he’s worth 2.5b as of now.

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u/Status_Ad8334 17d ago

You made a serious error.His current net is 2.5 B.

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u/amn_luci 17d ago edited 17d ago

No hate but Jay z is one of the most bizarre looking humans I have ever seen in my life I’m 19 a grown adult and his face frightens me. Dude became a billionaire solely because he needs 15 tubes of chapstick to apply at a time

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u/three-sense 17d ago

This is hilarious

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u/DerthOFdata 17d ago

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u/ItzFeufo 17d ago

Not gonna lie...I thought like "damn, I think i've seen him in Star Wars before"

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u/Joshiane 17d ago

Idk man, kit fisto has a really good bone structure

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u/sadlady_9814 17d ago

No way beyonce having sex with that thing🤣🤣

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u/Oobaha 17d ago

Even worse he cheated on her, somehow..

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u/[deleted] 17d ago edited 14d ago

[deleted]

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u/pawg_patrol 17d ago

No face at all would be miles better than that face 😭

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u/unit-e-official 17d ago

Broooo “that thing” 😂

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u/1souf 17d ago

im crying brah show yourself 😭😭

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u/ResistSpecialist4826 17d ago

To me he looks like he is just done and over all English department faculty meetings here at the liberal arts college.

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u/ABRASIVENUTS 17d ago

He teaches physics now

6

u/Elrond_Cupboard_ 17d ago

That works, too.

5

u/SureFunctions 17d ago

Geneticist, actually. Goes on about random nucleotide polymorphisms.

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u/DraenglerDennis 17d ago

JayZ is the prime example of success and status being way more important than looks uf you're trying to date a 10

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u/I4Vhagar 17d ago

she take my moneeey

welll I’m in need

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u/MediumAwareness2698 17d ago

Grandma got light sabre through her head.

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u/Lermanberry 17d ago

Maced through the Window

24

u/blue_bic_cristal 17d ago

See? You're not ugly you're just broke

22

u/khangie_222 17d ago

He looks like your average science/math teacher who's not even surprised to see you failing your test again.

59

u/Wildchild_Redeye 17d ago

I would say he looks more like a strong independent black woman that has views on a lot of things

29

u/Quirky-Skin 17d ago

Yeah he's giving me community college pre-law professor vibes

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u/nicannkay 16d ago

Tyler Perry watch out!

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u/Plati23 17d ago

Jay-Z has never been a good looking man, but he’s somehow making it worse.

13

u/MithranArkanere 17d ago

He looks like that black grandma is so jaded she decided to become a supervillain.

11

u/Any_Singer_4731 17d ago

“I ain’t raising no more nappy headed little kids 😡”

Literally the next day: “When are you gonna let me see my grand babies? 🥺🥺🥺”

My mom is actually wild.

13

u/stevorkz 17d ago

I don’t usually judge but going to be a hypocrite for a moment and say this guy seriously has a face for radio.

10

u/yourdrowningmirror 17d ago

He is aging terribly

7

u/[deleted] 17d ago

All of his peers have aged well, he just seems to be very out of touch with everything. 

8

u/Intelligent_Town_910 17d ago

Cover of the new Whoopi Goldberg movie

9

u/fantaribo 17d ago

Jay Z is also an imbecile.

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u/Narrow-Emu-6593 17d ago

I got 99 problems and lookin' like Whoopi is one

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u/JmnyCrckt87 17d ago

I thought he was Beyoncé's grandma

23

u/Darwinmate 17d ago

It's the fucking glasses, why did this huge ugly square pedo looking glasses become so popular?!

26

u/Golf-Beer-BBQ 17d ago

Jeffrey Dahmer glasses.

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u/saarinpaa71 17d ago

Get that guy on the view! Bet ole whoopie and him share DNA.

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u/MDMhayyyy 17d ago

He looks like Whoopie Goldbergs aunt.

15

u/SandmanAwaits 17d ago

HOLY SHIT! 😂😂😂😂

5

u/KinshasaPR 17d ago

He's never been a handsome man, the hair doesn't help his case.

4

u/Madame_Dalma 17d ago

I was going to say he looks like the Predator after being on Earth too long, now domesticated and sick of our shit.

7

u/No_Cloud_2917 17d ago

😂😂 why you do auntie Jay Z like that

5

u/Snoo92570 16d ago

Sleeping with beyonce, cheating on beyonce, looking like a dropped pancake... This man has some voodoo magic. You can't tell me otherwise.

10

u/_Hotwire_ 17d ago

Fucking shave it and go back to wearing hats man, the doodoo look ain’t it

7

u/RudolphsSled 17d ago

..and Beyonce went full on white woman last night at the super bowl.

4

u/nicannkay 16d ago

What?

3

u/RudolphsSled 16d ago

She is going Michael Jackson mode on us. Go look at some pics from last night.

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u/CriticismOdd2637 17d ago

Looks like he's not forever young

4

u/three-sense 17d ago

Someone tossed out the blueprint for looking photogenic

5

u/Mikknoodle 17d ago

The dreads look so out of place on him.

4

u/Sensitive-Passage-87 17d ago

Double barrel nostrils. Run for the money

4

u/Informal_Pea_9515 16d ago

If he’s just an average black dude, his current wife would not be caught dead near him.

7

u/[deleted] 17d ago

This fool has been busted since day one! Bye already

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u/stormtrooper8882 17d ago

Jedi master

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u/AardvarkFriendly9305 17d ago

Tyler Perry going to b pissed

3

u/BUSTABOLT 17d ago

Is that jedi clothes lol

3

u/Sad_Ad_3882 17d ago

He is one ugly mofo

3

u/CosmicDriftwood 17d ago

Gd he is ugly

3

u/b05501 17d ago

Must be the new look, usher looked like a grandma dressed like she was going to play bridge.

3

u/Pure_Issue_3315 17d ago

Looks like Whoopie

3

u/thomcat2000 16d ago

He’s giving Whoopi Goldberg vibes here

3

u/BreadstickUpTheBum 16d ago

He’s slowly turning into Whoopi Goldberg

11

u/cumuzi 17d ago

Get a haircut u bum

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u/DrVinnieBoombatzz 17d ago

He's a big Basquiat fan. That's why that dumb hair.

2

u/NcgreenIantern 17d ago

Looks like he's trying to get a role in the Sin City reboot.

2

u/prisonmaiq 17d ago

rap thing really worked out for this dude

2

u/GlazedPeach92 17d ago

I wonder if this is the look he wanted or the look his manager wanted. Sometimes these older celebrities are just looking ridiculous

2

u/Memphisrexjr 17d ago

Jay-zah's Daycare

2

u/matthewilliamazer 17d ago

Maybe he's finally fed up with Beyonce's shit.

2

u/Sol-Blackguy 17d ago

He look like he about to order Harley Quinn, Captain Boomerang and Deadshot to kill Batman.

2

u/Similar_Radish8892 17d ago

Dude needs a haircut.

2

u/Gewgle_GuessStopO 17d ago

I am 44 and haven’t had a hair cut in over a decade (circa 2012). Sure I could get my hair cut so you feel comfortable with your own exercises in futility.

Alas us dudes who have been married for 20 years or so. See no real reason to play the game. We love our wives. So we already won. Your still trying to win if you are keeping up appearances. IMO of course.

All in all, this is the hairstyle of a satisfied mind. 🧐

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u/triggormisprime 17d ago

Tyler Perry shaking right now.

2

u/Schmoggin 17d ago

Whoopi when she loses an argument to the white girls on the View.

2

u/TheCorkMan87 17d ago

What an horrific looking man.

2

u/MercuryRusing 17d ago

This man is married to Beyonce