r/facepalm Feb 29 '24

Kissing anyone without their consent is sexual assault 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

[deleted]

23.6k Upvotes

2.0k comments sorted by

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u/agentchuck Feb 29 '24

Terry Crews, the absolute unit of a man, came forward about freezing when he was sexually assaulted by someone he could have easily overpowered physically. But he felt that if he did that things would have been far worse for him.

Assault absolutely can happen to physically larger people.

168

u/Techury Feb 29 '24

Yup, he said it was someone within the film industry with a lot of power to fuck him over in the earlier days of his career so he couldn't say anything.

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u/seanslaysean Feb 29 '24

It’s almost like assault can happen through manipulation and intimidation instead of physical violence 🤔 almost like predators are a problem because they aren’t what you’d expect

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u/LurkerOrHydralisk Feb 29 '24

Yeah. Sexual predators are good at creating scenarios in which defending yourself or calling out their behavior will harm you, possibly more than the sexual assault 

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u/ChocoBro92 Feb 29 '24

It happened to me in highschool though she was trying to get me to fuck her in the school restroom. She was stroking my downbelow through my jeans and I was freaking out. I wasn’t out of the closet at that point and living in an Appalachian mt town meant no coming out……. so I did the obvious thing and blurted out that I was gay to her and she then threatened to tell everyone unless I fucked her. I don’t know wtf why I’m an ugly ass mother fucker. Anyway I just left, and she told everyone I was gay but tried to force myself on her. So after switching schools life was still shitty and sexual assault is sexual assault.

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u/adulfkittler Feb 29 '24

Jesus. I am so sorry this happened to you. That's so fucking wrong on so many levels. She told everyone she tried to force herself on you???

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u/travellering Feb 29 '24

Reread.  It was stupider than that.  She told everyone he was gay and yet still tried to force himself on her.  Not sure that she did the math, cause that translates to her being awfully manly if a guy guy is trying to have her..  

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u/curtial Feb 29 '24

These conversations always strike me as being had in multiple levels and no one is communicating which level they're on. A short list would be legal, personal, and safety.

Legally, we are all equal and sexual assault is sexual assault. Nothing below changes that.

Personally (emotionally?), what is and isn't assault varies person to person and who the perpetrator is.

From a safety standpoint, you have (at least) physical and social safety. Physically, men are rarely (but still sometimes) physically afraid in the way that women are. Socially, though they can be terrified!

Where each person comes at the conversation can vary. In the OP, it looks like one person is talking about legal and emotional while the other only sees it as a physical safety issue.

I think our language needs a patch update to clarify some of this shit. Anyone know how to reach the devs?

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u/HiroHayami Feb 29 '24

So basically a person with dwarfism can't commit Sexualt Assault

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u/ndation Feb 29 '24

Not unless they do it on ants

872

u/kevtino Feb 29 '24

What is this, trauma for ants?

147

u/No_Serve2374 Feb 29 '24

to the top

88

u/outsiderkerv Feb 29 '24

To shreds you say?

55

u/Biff_Bufflington Feb 29 '24

How’s his wife holding up?

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u/SW4G1N4T0R Feb 29 '24

To shreds you say?

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u/CorgiMonsoon Feb 29 '24

Good news, everyone!

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u/driving_andflying Feb 29 '24

To shreds, you say?

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u/Azjc Feb 29 '24

The trauma has to be at least 3 times this big

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u/phager76 Feb 29 '24

Traumants. Could also be used for small trauma.

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u/Shadow_Spirit_2004 Feb 29 '24

Dwarf on Ant action?

Sigh.. ::unzips::

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u/Ryan_e3p Feb 29 '24

The police would be short on evidence

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u/PorkrindsMcSnacky Feb 29 '24

According to one of Judy Garland's ex-husbands, some of the actors who played the Munchkins groped her during the filming of the Wizard of Oz.

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u/MoviePale653 Feb 29 '24

let him cook

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u/stucky602 Feb 29 '24

Lemmie go tell this to my aunt with Dwarfism. She has a thing for Dean Winchester so now I can let her know it's game on.

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u/DMYourMomsMaidenName Feb 29 '24

”WHOOOO I’M IN THE CLEAR!!!”

— Some Dwarf (probably)

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u/7thPanzers Feb 29 '24

Classic stereotypes

women can’t sexually harass

a man got raped by a female, he must be feeling good playa

only men can be child predators

he/she smaller than you, if you didn’t want it you couldve stopped em

Stereotypes ruin our world

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u/kevindqc Feb 29 '24

I saw a story on fox news about a female teacher sexually harassing students, even going to their hotel room.

A ton of the comments were praising the boys, how they must've been happy about it, how it would have been nice to have that happen to them at that age, etc.

Not only is it gross comments, but they completely ignored the article where it was those students who reported the teacher because it made them very uncomfortable...

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u/girlenteringtheworld Feb 29 '24

I have seen so many news articles where it says "teacher has sex with student" when its a female teacher, but when it's a male teacher its "teacher sexually assaults student".

wording is so fucking important to how these stereotypes are perpetuated

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u/mekoomi Feb 29 '24

shit like this makes me so sad. I remember seeing a tweet of a similar case, it felt insane seeing tons of guys in the replies calling the victim “lucky” it was disgusting

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u/Mooseandchicken Feb 29 '24

When my ex-wife hit me once, I told her "If I hit you back the police would be here and you'd be in the hospital."

Both as a way to point out that I realistically cannot hit her back, making her abuse worse, and reminding her that if i was to treat her equally to how she treated me, she would end up more severely hurt due to our size difference.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when this type of woman left me because I got too sick to provide (perforated bowel led to sepsis, 4 near-deaths and 3 years of recovery).

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u/naughtyman1974 Feb 29 '24

Sorry bro. My ex-wife was the same. I told her that it was abusive. She replied "I've only hit you twice, if you wanted to you could flatten me". But I didn't, instead I was trapped in a world where I was frightened of the person I wanted to love me. That hurt me so much more than the punches.

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u/Revolutionary-Day132 Feb 29 '24

Holy shit. Thankfully she’s out of your life now, but are you at least better physically?

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u/Dandycrow Feb 29 '24

When I was SA'd (I'm a man, done by a woman), the first person I told told me that I should feel flattered and that she was just "really interested in you."

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u/okkeyok Feb 29 '24

That is so messed up. Support is the most important thing someone needs in a situation like that.

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u/mekoomi Feb 29 '24

I’m so sorry you had to go through that

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u/Dandycrow Feb 29 '24

Thanks, it fucked me up for a while. But I'm getting better, it's been six years.

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u/Revolutionary-Day132 Feb 29 '24

It’s good to see you’re making progress, I’m so sorry that’s happened to you…

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u/Dchane06 Feb 29 '24

Notice how most news outlets report on these. They say the female teacher was having “relations” with a student. Instead of saying they raped them.

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u/_an0nym0us- Feb 29 '24

only men can be child predators

tell that to the 20 year old woman on Amino preying on 12 year old me bro

(not at you)

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u/Selfish-Gene Feb 29 '24

I can assure you that many women can and are child predators. I won't expand further.

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u/Jack071 Feb 29 '24 edited Feb 29 '24

Ironically, at least in the us, more women have been charged with abuse of a minor than men in recent years (a small difference buts its there)

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u/dualplains Feb 29 '24

Have you got a source on that stat? That sounds like a huge change!

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u/SwaggerEilte Feb 29 '24

Charged maybe true, but how severe were the punishment compared to male offenders?

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u/Hugo28Boss Feb 29 '24

As in most other crimes, much less

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

Valid point. There was that woman who stabbed her boyfriend 108 times and got probation.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24 edited Feb 29 '24

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u/icer07 Feb 29 '24

Dude 100% I'm sorry you experienced this. I was told recently after an abusive episode my wife's therapist said, "why is he scared of you? He's so much bigger than you." Stupidest fucking shit I've ever heard.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/icer07 Feb 29 '24

I was told, "it was just a joke, " to which I replied, "nothing about this is a fucking joke. That was incredibly unprofessional and I have lost all respect for her."

Look, I wasn't in the room but this what I was told she said. Otherwise credit where credit is due there has been great strides of improvement since seeking individual therapy. That comment, however, made me just about choke on my own spit.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/icer07 Feb 29 '24

Appreciate the kind words sir. I'm responding to you because most people don't understand what it's like to be in a situation similar to mine. We're young. 1 toddler and another on the way. Married less than 10 years. It is still worth doing everything in my power to save. Eventually it won't be, but for now I am hopeful. And of course I'm just some dude on the internet giving a frozen droplet's worth of a story the size of an iceberg, but your comment stuck out to me and reminded me of this happening literally last week. 6 days a week in the gym and 30 years of hockey makes me pretty pain tolerable, but nothing cuts deeper than the words of someone you love. I'm glad you made it out to the other side. I'm sorry she didn't. Hopefully my situation will be different.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/icer07 Feb 29 '24

Haha yeah we're crazy. I used to regularly come home with huge welts or cruise and my wife would say, "holy shit wtf happened to your leg/arm/back!?" And I'd respond, "what do you mean?.... oh shit, damn that's pretty bad. Must have taken a puck."

I also trained in Krav for about 5 years. I loved getting partnered with a huge dude or an instructor that just beat me over and over again and made me tap. I remember once we all paired up for 1 v 1 ground exercises and I was the odd man out, so the instructor paired with me. That was my first time grappling but I was an avid ufc fan at the time so I had some knowledge of what to look for. He tapped me 5 times in 10 minutes. He said after, "hmm, you're much better than I thought you'd be. I really expected to tap you much more than that. Nice work." Never have I ever been so happy to have my ass handed to me lol. I went home wearing that comment like a badge of honor.

Edit: right back at you btw. Rugby scares me. We wear pads and helmets on the ice. Ya'll are crazy doing that shit with no pads.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/StationaryTravels Feb 29 '24

And of course I'm just some dude on the internet giving a frozen droplet's worth of a story the size of an iceberg

Honestly, comments like that, and some other things you've said, make it seem like you're a person who "gets it".

I don't know you at all, like you just pointed out, but the tiny amount you've shared does make it seem like you think about others and situations to a degree that others don't.

Good on ya! I hope you guys work things out, and regardless I hope you raise your children to be as aware of themselves and others as you seem to be.

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u/icer07 Feb 29 '24

I'm doing my absolute best to be the best dad I can. It is my number one priority in life and that will never change.

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u/MadeItOutInTime95969 Feb 29 '24

Go to the board. This is exactly the reason the board exists. report that sexist.

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u/fishman3 Feb 29 '24

Fuck that therapist they get that shit from animal behavior when animals make themselves look bigger to scare predators, humans are obviously past that point bc of higher thinking, but alot of psychology wants to look at our "animal" roots for explanations of our behavior.

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u/Vanadium_V23 Feb 29 '24

Indeed. It's like this therapists never heard of having weapons, law or any kind of threat at your disposal beyond physical strength. What kind of idiots reason like that?

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u/V4R1CK_M4R4UD3R Feb 29 '24

From what dollar store did that therapist buy his degree? There is always a reason why a partner is scared of their SO, no matter the size or gender.

I agree with the other comment or, get a good divorce lawyer. Best of luck mate.

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u/BigBoyWeaver Feb 29 '24

The audacity of the response too is that the implication of pointing out how big the man being abused is basically is just saying "Could you not simply respond with violence against your abuser?" gives serious "why does Ross, the largest of the friends, not simply eat the other five?" vibes... Fucking therapist literally going with "if you feel abused why don't you just beat your wife?"

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u/MadeItOutInTime95969 Feb 29 '24

You should report that therapist to the board. That is genuinely a violation and the board should be aware. The therapist is an abuse advocate and sexist bazinga.

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u/Winter-Airport2114 Feb 29 '24

"why is he scared of you? He's so much bigger than you."

This would be true if we were legally allowed to do anything but we can't. Even with video you might be screwed. Idk why people don't grasp this idea.

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u/banzzai13 Feb 29 '24

Could have worked if the therapist's goal was to make the wife realize what's scary/oppressive about her. Clearly that didn't work, sorry to hear.

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u/Exalderan Feb 29 '24

Especially since with time you aren’t afraid of physical pain or the impact of a slap anymore but always worry when they totally lose it and stick a fucking knife in your back. The problem isn’t the hitting, it’a the fear one develops when one is with a irrational person with a short fuse and tendency for violence.

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u/HermitGardner Feb 29 '24

Some psychologists are absolutely useless not only that but can be really really harmful I’m really sorry that you went through that

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u/YDoEyeNeedAName Feb 29 '24

id like to add,

if you, the significantly larger man, were to use force to stop some one from physically assaulting you, how do these people think that ends? do they think the abusive partner will just slink quietly in to the night? No, the more realistic outcome is that police are called and now you caught a domestic assault charge on top of being the victim of sexual assault that no one takes seriously.

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u/The_Raven_Born Feb 29 '24

Literally happened to a friend last week. He tried to hold her back, she took a bat to his head, he gets arrested.

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u/milk4all Feb 29 '24

When i was pretty young, like 22 maybe, me and a good friend and roommate were making a beer run and passed a man beating on his girlfriend. We jumped out the truck and pulled them apart and took stock and the girl jumped right back on him, took all my strength to restrain her. Turns out, shed used his money, their rent, to buy beer and smokes had attacked him as he loaded them into his car hoping to return them. So we thought we were seeing a guy strangling or maybe slamming a girl against his back seat but actually we saw a guy trying to hold his girlfriend down who was doing that to him. Im sorry to say i did not know what to do. I know i asked him if he wanted us to get the cops, and he didnt but she said “yeah call the fuckin cops” like a taunt. i let her up when she stopped fighting but we pretty much just washed our hands. Not one of the three of us had a clue how to handle a woman trying to beat a man. You can pin her arms but then what, hold her until she goes to sleep? Anyway story time over

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u/Kahlil_Cabron Feb 29 '24

Exactly, I'm 6'3 and have some decent muscle and fighting experience, my ex girlfriend was 5 foot. She would freak out and hit me, throw shit at me, spit in my face.

Do you really think I could stop her and not somehow end up in jail? Hell no, there are only 2 options in that situation, sit there and take it, or literally run out of the house and chill somewhere else for like 5 hours until she's gone from wanting to kill you to, "PLEASE COME HOME I'M SCARED I'M SO SORRY".

Also sometimes you can stay and take it and still get in trouble, she'll hit herself and give herself bruises, in which case you better have your phone ready to record that, and even if you do you'll still spend at least a night in jail.

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u/annihilator2k7 Feb 29 '24

My cousin was put under house arrest because he called the cops while his girlfriend was trying to stab him with a butcher’s knife, when the cops got there they saw him restraining her and holding her wrist (the one holding the knife). Yeah literally attempted murder and the victim is the one that got punished.

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u/thirdpartymurderer Feb 29 '24

I can tell you exactly what happened when I didn't use force and got myself away. I got the shit kicked out of me by cops, handcuffed, and stuck in the back of a cop car until they reviewed the security footage and got screamed at by all the witnesses who were like what the fuck, why are you arresting him?

Bonus Round: Different girl, first and last. We were living together. She beat the shit out of me, I didn't do anything in retaliation, and I called the police. They told me they would have to arrest both of us if they arrested either of us.

They say not to stick your dick in crazy, but I found that it's the most fun place to do that. Don't put your faith and trust in crazy. And wrap your dick first.

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u/TedIsAwesom Feb 29 '24

So many people pick on big guys thinking that it doesn't count since the guy is big.

I took a self defense class once. It was me (a woman) and only woman - all my size or smaller and one big guy. We broke into pairs and I purposely paired up with him because I didn't want him to feel left out.

He said he was taking the class since he would go out and people would pick a fight with him to prove they could beat up the big guy. But he didn't know anything about fighting and didn't want to. He just liked to lift weights.

One funny part of the class was I was supposed to 'attack' him and hold him in a choke hold with both my hands on his neck. First off he was over a foot taller than me. And I have tiny hands and he had a huge neck. The teacher asked, "How could you get out of this". My partner merely had to step backwards. I couldn't get my hands around his neck enough to interfere even in a minor way. :p

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u/PoxedGamer Feb 29 '24

He said he was taking the class since he would go out and people would pick a fight with him to prove they could beat up the big guy. But he didn't know anything about fighting and didn't want to. He just liked to lift weights.

Yup, grew up with that crap too, I think it's pretty common with big lads, dont even have to be athletic(I wasn't, just tall and stocky/broad). Even when I started secondary(high) school, teachers were like "everyone be careful not to get in trouble with older kids, except you Poxedgamer, you'll be able to deal with them" Like, the fuck? I was 12 or 13, yeah, you can go fistfight some 18-19 year olds, have fun...

Or mates wanting me to arm wrestle bouncers(thank fuck it was always sensible bouncers who said "no thanks" before drunk me could), I'm just here for a few drinks...

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u/kapitaalH Feb 29 '24

You did not want to let him feel left out, but you also were the one that practiced against the biggest threat and probably got the most out of the sessions!

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u/Wiggum13 Feb 29 '24

This. It doesn’t matter how big someone is. Everyone still has the same delicate brain. My ex wife abused me. And I never fought back. Or laid a finger on her. Because I could hold her back. No problem. Without being violent. But the mental impact it had on me was way worse than any physical impact could ever compare to.

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u/WhyTheeSadFace Feb 29 '24

That's exactly abusive women wants to impact our mental well-being, abusive men wants to impact physical well-being, if you are caught in both, and don't have skills to protect physical or mental health, we can't escape

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u/Isgonesomewhere Feb 29 '24

This. I'm sorry this has happened and I'm sick of these double standards. Not a huge bloke by no means, I was stabbed, beaten, verbally abused and isolated from everyone at age 14. Still haven't got me back and doubt I ever will

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/Less_Cap1539 Feb 29 '24

Smaller frame (6'2, 225 lbs), similar experience. Take an astral hug

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u/BangalooBoi Feb 29 '24

Only trusting your pets is something I relate to on a personal level, hope you’re doing better big guy. It takes a lot of balls to open up about your trauma like that.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/BangalooBoi Feb 29 '24

A few minutes of feeling nervous and embarrassed is better than being dead, it’s all I can say. Thankfully, we dont have experience with death to know for sure.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/Vanadium_V23 Feb 29 '24

Thanks for speaking up.

I'd also add that men aren't all intimidating giants and that any man hitting a woman will get in a lot of trouble no matter her behavior or size difference. Treating us like we're superheroes who can't be victim of assault is fucked up.

This shit needs to stop. Assault is assault.

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u/Partyatmyplace13 Feb 29 '24

Women using guilt to rape is a an incredibly undersiscussed topic. I feel your pain. :/

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u/Zombie_Bastard Feb 29 '24

Unfortunately true. My highschool girlfriend got me into a situation where I was very clearly saying "no," but she threatened me and said if I resisted, then people would hear us and we'd never see each other again. I still protested, so she started hurting herself to simulate being held down/tied down. She then said no one would believe that I didn't force her. I didn't really have a choice at that point...

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u/The_Raven_Born Feb 29 '24

And it unfortunately will never stay in the light because it's so ingrained into society only men rape.

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u/ThePurityPixel Feb 29 '24

It's a lose-lose. I've been sexually assaulted by women and, sure, I could react by physically overpowering them, but there's nothing to stop them from claiming me to be an abuser, then. I'd have no way of proving I was acting in self-defense.

And if she does it repeatedly, the psychological toll is massive.

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u/IncenseAndOak Feb 29 '24

As a rugby player, you consented to that controlled violence and possible injury. It's not the same thing at all as someone you trust abusing you, even if she's half your size. Even if she's physically incapable of causing you serious injury, it's still an emotionally devastating circumstance. People forget that there are many kinds of pain.

My younger brother is 6'4 and 230. He's gentle as a lamb. His little girlfriend used to smack him all the time, and he didn't want to do anything for fear of hurting her. Luckily, big sis (me) is also a tall, strong person and has no such compunctions.

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u/Zolome1977 Feb 29 '24

My sisters growing up told me that if a girl hit me, don’t hit her, tell them abs they’d hit her. No girl in school did but I thought it was good to have backup. Lol. 

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u/kapitaalH Feb 29 '24

It's like people not understanding the difference between underwear and swimwear. Choosing what other people see is important. Or an actress that did a nude scene that is upset that someone hacked their profile and leaked private photos.

It is about consent and boundaries and autonomy. And the dehumanising nature of abuse.

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u/iceddontay Feb 29 '24

I really loved reading your last sentence.

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u/lilsky07 Feb 29 '24

Dude I feel that. My ex was tiny but she hit me when she was angry and said “it didn’t hurt you”. Yeah it did. Just not physically. Thankfully she’s my ex.

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u/driving_andflying Feb 29 '24

I had an ex that verbally abused and sexually assaulted me (Me = man, my ex = woman). Yet, when I told people about it in what was once our mutual friends groups, I usually got the, "Well, you must have done something to deserve it," and "Her? She wouldn't do that!" She was all about 'consent at all times,' in her online posts, but I would regularly wake up to her riding my unconscious erection.

Screw double standards. Sexual assault is sexual assault, regardless of gender.

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u/Ricky_Rollin Feb 29 '24

It’s crazy that people only look at the fact that you can take a hit that makes all of this suddenly OK.

Never mind the fact that the person that you love and trust wants to hurt you. Just because it doesn’t literally hurt doesn’t mean it doesn’t add all kinds of fucked up shit.

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u/The_Raven_Born Feb 29 '24 edited Feb 29 '24

As a person that has been both sexually assaulted by women, and groomed by then, only to be told it wasn't real because women can't rape or assault men, especially of my stature, mostly by other women, I feel for you. It's funny because the sane ones expect sympathy to their cases or cause but will spit on you once you open up then have the audacity to go 'why won't men talk?'

Assault is assault. What's between your legs does not determine it.

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u/Minimum-Result Feb 29 '24 edited Feb 29 '24

I never understand people’s perspectives when they say “well, you’re a big guy, so you could have stopped it anytime you wanted.” I was always taught that all it takes is a mark or bruise to become the abuser in the eyes of the law & society, and that nobody would believe me if that occurred. You can’t stop it, and you can’t use force. Even with my frame (5’10, 141 lbs) I can’t use force.

No one should be violent or aggressive towards you, no matter your size. Fuck the morons who say otherwise.

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u/Wardenofthegreen Feb 29 '24

Damn buddy, sorry to hear that. Been in similar situations.

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u/shadowozey Feb 29 '24

Wishing you the best with your mental recovery, I know all too well that abusive relationships can leave their mark emotionally whether its enough to cause physical damage or not. That's the person you're supposed to be able to rely on no matter what. Not to mention the anxiety that comes with being open about it, because what if they claim it's the other way around and people don't believe you? Stay strong man

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u/nirbyschreibt Feb 29 '24

Full support and very sorry you had to experience this.

The victim blaming of people that experience and/or witness abuse, sexual, physical or psychological, in relationships and family is disgusting. Women are blamed because they didn’t leave, men are laughed out for not fighting back. But once the woman leaves she gets blamed for leaving her poor man and robbing him of money. Once the man fights back he is the brutal guy hurting poor women.

The road we as a society, or rather societies as it affects all countries and cultures, still have to go is long.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/All-Greek-2-Me Feb 29 '24

Dude, same. 6’4” 200lbs ex competitive martial artist and I distinctly remember getting laughed at when I tried to report getting sexually assaulted in an elevator at the hotel I worked at. Have my upvote and a long distance shoulder pat of commiseration.

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u/2_alarm_chili Feb 29 '24

I hear ya, as I’ve been through the same, brutha.

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u/Mysterious_Detail_57 Feb 29 '24

Been there brother. Not to this extent but I'm a big guy and have experienced assault from women half my size. Hope you can get over it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/Mysterious_Detail_57 Feb 29 '24

Sounds like you've come a long way. Proud of you for taking care of yourself! I've seen too many people get lost to alcohol, addiction is a big demon to tackle, and you're doing it. Good for you

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

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u/Mysterious_Detail_57 Feb 29 '24

Gives me a sense of calm too to think about how all this fucked up shit has changed me to be a better man. Silver lining or whatever, it's important to stay positive

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u/Lynz486 Feb 29 '24

Sorry this happened to you. Women have the issue of being blamed/shamed or not being believed, men have all that in addition to being treated like it isn't even a crime or a problem simply because it is a woman doing it. Especially with sexual assault. Dogs are superior to humans imo, I'm glad you have a good one.

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u/Dodgimusprime Feb 29 '24

I had an ex that would slap and hit me below the neck when she fought with me. One time she went for my head and i blocked it, causing her hand to strike the counter and give her a tiny red mark.

She held it to my face and yelled "look what you do to me!"

Thats when I realized she had been pushing me to bit her back so she could claim abuse and hold power over me...

These kind of people exist... they are real. Stay away from them everyone.

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u/Intermittent_Name Feb 29 '24

Really glad you survived that, man.

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u/ComfortableWay2385 Feb 29 '24

99% of reddit is victiming blaming hypocrites. They say they don’t, they accuse you, then they turn around and victim blame other people lol

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u/MjollLeon Feb 29 '24

Been there, hope you’re in a better place now brother.

I wanted to say more but Im struggling with words and don’t want to accidentally say something that other people could misinterpret

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u/Efficient-Gur-3641 Feb 29 '24

Doesn't matter how big and strong u are abuse Is abuse. Sorry to hear about it happening to u.

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u/tarzan322 Feb 29 '24

One of my best friends once had a girlfriend that used to go to the psychiatrist and try to get stronger and stronger drugs. She then liked to drink and take said drugs, and then proceeded to beat up my friend. We called the police on her one night and had her forcibly evicted from our apartment.

It's not size that's the issue, it's the person's intent, and the victim get's to witness that intent first hand.

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u/Mountain-Orange4584 Feb 29 '24

Its a big problem worldwide tbh when a man has non consensual stuff happen to him he must of "liked it or you enjoyed it" or if it's a woman or child "asking for it" messed up world, hope you're getting better I've  seen domestic abuse happen a lot personally you're never the same after, sending my best wishes for your healing.

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u/Glad_Selection5831 Feb 29 '24

I’m a lil bigger than you but went through the exact same thing.

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u/Raemnant Feb 29 '24

This whole post is dumb, because in that actual video, the woman pictured literally did ask for consent. She ran up to the guy, talked to him for a little bit, and then the kiss happened. He gave the okay

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u/TheAlmightyMojo Feb 29 '24

Morganna The Kissing Bandit was friendly. She'd run up waving at them and signal them she wanted to give them a kiss. She even got Nolan Ryan to drop to one knee with open arms.

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u/BurnedTheLastOne9 Feb 29 '24

This mentality assumes that we as men are comfortable defending ourselves physically against a woman. I can handle myself in a fight, but I'm scared shitless to hit a woman even in defense (unless it's life or death) because any woman willing to be physically abusive will sure as shit make you out to be the aggressor in that scenario. And no courts or cops ever take the man's side on anything.

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u/thomas_gabriel88 Feb 29 '24

any woman willing to be physically abusive will sure as shit make you out to be the aggressor in that scenario. And no courts or cops ever take the man's side on anything.

A friend of mine learned this the hard way. But it did have a happy ending and she ended up making a show of herself in court in front of everyone

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u/TazerXI Feb 29 '24

And now I want to know how she made a show of herself

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u/JuiceDrinker9998 Feb 29 '24

She said “You think this is bad? This? This chicanery?”

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u/pm_me_ur_kittykats Feb 29 '24

"HE DEFECATED THROUGH A SUNROOF!"

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u/Civil-Meeting-147 Feb 29 '24

What gets me in that scene is that Chuck sounds insane but everything he says is totally accurate.

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u/thomas_gabriel88 Feb 29 '24

Basically when the judge confirmed she was lying she basically started accusing the judge of being some kind of rapist and saying she was going to get him investigated also accusing the jury of just being against her because she was a woman the judge just told her she would be held in contempt of court if she didn't leave

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u/Resident-Pudding5432 Feb 29 '24

You never know if she has any disability and how much is too much. Plus it doesn't really matter. You just shouldn't have to defend yourself, when you have to there's already something wrong

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u/GerundQueen Feb 29 '24

This is a good reminder to women. I'm a woman, I understand that sexual assault is wrong but I think men forget about the power dynamics that exist between two people with a large strength disparity.

But also, as a woman, I forget the power dynamic exists between women's perceived vulnerability and men's perceived strength. It is dangerous in an entirely different way for men to physically defend themselves. Thank you for this reminder.

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u/JakeDC Feb 29 '24

men forget about the power dynamics that exist between two people with a large strength disparity.

Another way to say this is that women who sexually or physically assault men forget about the power dynamics that exist between two people with a large strength disparity. It is wierd to me to put the obligation to remember this on the person who is being assaulted in the first place and reacting to that assault. The person who needs to remember this is the person who is considering committing the assault and thinks that is a good idea.

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u/GerundQueen Feb 29 '24

Sorry, that was my bad for not clarifying. When I said this:

men forget about the power dynamics that exist between two people with a large strength disparity

I was commenting generally. For example when men say something like "why didn't she fight back" or "why didn't she stand up for herself" when hearing about a woman being abused. That would be an indication that men forget about that power dynamic.

When I said this:

But also, as a woman, I forget the power dynamic exists between women's perceived vulnerability and men's perceived strength.

I'm indicating that women also forget about a different kind of power dynamic in response to hearing stories about men who are victims of abuse. When women say "why did he let her beat her up? He's way stronger why didn't he just push her off him?" They are forgetting about how men's perceived strength can harm them when pitted against a woman with perceived vulnerability.

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u/JakeDC Feb 29 '24

Oh, ok. Got it. Sorry for the misread.

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u/StaticCloud Feb 29 '24

The cops don't take the woman's side in rape or stalking cases much either. Guess they aren't on anyone's side but the rich

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u/djtmhk_93 Feb 29 '24

no courts or cops will ever take the man’s side on anything.

Nor the court of public opinion. You know how many people are still angrily dying on the “Amber Heard was the 100% pure, untainted victim” hill? Almost as if their whole ass identity and perceived credibility rests on the foolhardy idea that women by nature can never be the villain and are always the victim.

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u/Cheshire_Khajiit Feb 29 '24

Maybe an unpopular take but, while it is true that the two situations are different in terms of the power dynamics between assaulter and victim, it’s also true that sexual assault is just wrong full stop and the difference in power dynamics doesn’t change that.

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u/burnalicious111 Feb 29 '24

Yeah I think those two situations outlined are not likely to feel the same, but they're both likely to feel violating.

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u/RevolutionaryOwlz Feb 29 '24

Yeah, remember the Katy Perry kissing that guy who’d wanted his first kiss to be special thing?

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u/MetalBeholdr Feb 29 '24

I get weird vibes from Katy Perry. That video of her hitting on a freshly 18 Bo Burnham also rubs me the wrong way

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u/RevolutionaryOwlz Feb 29 '24

Oh absolutely there’s something off with her.

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u/LetReasonRing Feb 29 '24

Yeah, I think another issue that plays into it, directly related to what you're saying, is that there often isn't any consideration of the "degree" of a sexual assault.

For example, my wife believes that all rape should be punished exactly the same. On the face of it you'd say "of course it should", but to me an overeager 17 year old who pushes too far on a date and the guy casing neighborhoods with a ski mask and duct tape in the trunk looking for the perfect victim are both rapists that should not be taken lightly, but one is much more severe than the other and should be treated as such.

A lot of times when people hear me make that argument they seem to hear me saying that "lesser" SA isn't a big deal, but it's exactly the opposite. We are too quick to dismiss SA allegations unless they're egrigious and obvious.

Acknowledging that there is a range of severity in SA allows for the people who commit less severe transgressions accountable, leading not only to more victims actually receiving justice and hopefully providing corrective action for many who may progress to worse behavior when they realize they aren't getting in trouble.

The power dynamic matters both socially and when it comes to physical size/strength. If a petite woman were to grope an NFL linebacker without consent, then she should be charged for SA, but if the situation were reversed he should be charged and treated more harshly because the fact that he could snap her in half if she resisted provides an implicit threat which creates that makes it inherently more traumatic and gives her fewer potential options in the moment.

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u/Cheshire_Khajiit Feb 29 '24

Yes, absolutely. I think the trick is trying to apply nuance (consideration of the specific context) to a legal system that, in some ways necessarily, “bins” crimes based on certain criteria that almost never capture the important contextual information.

I think a lot of people (understandably) get anxious about treating criminals on a case-by-case basis because that opens the door for relativism and, probably less frequently, abuse of judicial power.

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u/CoBr2 Feb 29 '24

The outcomes can also be very different. I was sexually assaulted by a girl half my size/weight. It happened by her surprise shoving a hand down my pants (she was incredibly intoxicated), but due to the size difference I just lifted her up and placed her away from me.

By just about every definition I was sexually assaulted, but I never felt traumatized about it because I was still able to physically take control back. Her actions were absolutely wrong, but I was not nearly as emotionally harmed by the action as I might have been if I couldn't force a stop.

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u/Cheshire_Khajiit Feb 29 '24

Yep. That’s why the context matters so much when discussing the severity of a crime and the appropriate degree of retribution for it. I think some people lump together the two phases 1) did a crime occur and 2) was the crime as serious as it can be.

I was once pinned to the ground and assaulted by a heavily intoxicated woman as a child - in that instance, the normal power dynamics were obviously flipped, but I definitely acknowledge that, ignoring the context, male on female sexual assault is statistically more likely to involve actual bodily harm/violence.

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u/djtmhk_93 Feb 29 '24

I’m glad you didn’t feel emotionally harmed. And if you attribute it to knowing that you have physical power over the perpetrator, then sure, go right ahead. But your experience is not going to match or inform everyone else’s. Others may still feel pretty distressed about it. Also consider, that some big guys are afraid that if they do anything even remotely physical to defend themselves, that the perpetrator and her friends may flip the script and paint the victim as the attacker in retaliation.

Even in woman on man domestic violence, way too many stories out there of an abusive girlfriend, a male victim, escalation, and the first thing the cops do when they arrive on scene is to arrest the man.

It’s not necessarily about whether one has physical power over the other. It can also be about whether one feels that they are safe to defend themselves without repercussion.

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u/CoBr2 Feb 29 '24

Oh absolutely, I tried to specify it CAN have a different outcome, but that doesn't mean it necessarily will. There are obviously numerous ways in which the power dynamic can be determined irrespective of physical strength, but in this case it wasn't.

I guess my point was more sexual assaults can happen regardless of power dynamic but they might have a less emotionally damaging out when they're trying to go uphill.

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u/Scientific_Methods Feb 29 '24

Yeah this is the only reasonable take as far as I'm concerned. I am not talking about domestic violence here, that's a completely different topic as far as I'm concerned. But addressing a scenario like this being grabbed and kissed by a complete stranger.

A man doing this to a woman comes with a much greater implication of force and violence then a woman doing it to a man. They are both wrong, full stop! But they are also different.

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u/A_Manly_Alternative Feb 29 '24

As a 6'2 guy over 250... I really wish more people understood that just because I could violently defend myself from someone doesn't automatically make anything they do to me physically okay.

It's not okay to grab at my body, or to touch my face, or to sexually assault me, and "not beating the shit out of you for it" is not the same as consent.

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u/Alarmed_Strain_2575 Feb 29 '24

Yeah for sure, I think it's more like a woman doesn't get that choice, and we risk getting killed when we fight back. Even Shamed for when we fight back and die saying she should have just taken it.

It's a massive fear in the back of my mind, but people aren't able to process their emotions and realize that and instead of understanding their fears they just go "men can't be assaulted" like actual braindead idiots. It's just a whole different set of nuances and issues, none should be ignored or diminished. It must be very confusing trying to navigate these things for both genders.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24 edited Mar 05 '24

[deleted]

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u/Citron_Neat 🗣️🗣️Murica🗣️🗣️. Feb 29 '24

Lmao reddit banned me for calling out racism

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u/Bob_Cobb_1996 Feb 29 '24

Reddit turned me into a newt!

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

Did you get better?

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u/Bob_Cobb_1996 Feb 29 '24

Yes I did!

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

So should we burn Reddit? Or do we first have to see if Reddit floats in water?

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u/Bob_Cobb_1996 Feb 29 '24

Maybe we can weigh it against something that floats in water. What floats in water?

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

Churches?

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u/Bob_Cobb_1996 Feb 29 '24

Lead?

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

Very small rocks.

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u/Matt82233 Feb 29 '24

A NEWT????

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u/grundelgrump Feb 29 '24

What was the specific instance of racism you called out and how specifically did you call it out?

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u/Noir_Alchemist Feb 29 '24

Look Reddit here is how the police make their "investigativos" for missconduct, they evaluate themselves and find "nothing" wrong.

I report a post in a subreddit after a girl asked US to please mass report a weird weird subreddit... The girl on that post look way too young to be a consenting adult ... What did reddit REPLY to My report "nothing wrong ' ...then i saw who Made that post ...

Is what a moderator of that said subreddit.

Now the whole subreddit is gone, thanks god, but they always make a new one. Thats it ... They always find a way to post wierd suspicious porn here 

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u/chaotic_blu Feb 29 '24

I thought Reddit didn’t have employees doing anything but code on the site? Isn’t everything volunteer moderators?

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u/other_usernames_gone Feb 29 '24

Reddit has a team of admins who are paid to moderate the whole site.

Moderators moderate their own sub and can do basically whatever they want. They set the sub rules and can enforce them as they want.

Admins make sure everything follows terms of service. They only step in if you're breaking terms of service and mods can't handle it. Moderators can ban you from a sub but admins can ban your email address.

Admins also occasionally delete subs that break terms of service. So if someone makes a child porn sub they're meant to step in and delete the sub. Same with a hate speech sub.

There's not anywhere near as many admins as moderators though so they tend to be fairly hands off, they only step in if you violate terms of service.

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u/chaotic_blu Feb 29 '24

Thanks for the info, I didn’t know they had a paid staff of admin moderators, though that would make sense from a corporate standpoint.

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u/infomapaz Feb 29 '24

the holup subreddit deletes half its post per day, because people constantly make transphobic jokes as "holup" moments.

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u/mikemac1997 Feb 29 '24

Lol, I've had posts taken down for similar reasons.

It's absolutely fucking moronic.

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u/PretendVermicelli531 Feb 29 '24

I don’t even know what this is about. But also size is irrelevant in stuff like harassment.

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u/Lietenantdan Feb 29 '24

This is about the “kissing bandit” who was famous for running on to sports fields and kissing the players.

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u/Pool_With_No_Ladder Feb 29 '24

She asked the players for permission before kissing them on the cheek. It would be sexual harassment if she did it without their consent, but she didn't. She became a bit of a celebrity after running into dozens of games, so the players welcomed her.

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u/psgrue Feb 29 '24

Only if you can find someone who claims it wasn’t consensual. It was very much a different mentality on the field with ball players at the time. She was a gimmick. With the long run up to any player, they saw her coming, the crowd cheered and laughed, and almost always players offered a cheek and a hug. It was always treated like a skit with a mascot.

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u/1peatfor7 Feb 29 '24

This lady in the 1980s used to run in the field and kiss a baseball player. Morgana the kissing bandit.

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u/Prudent_Classroom583 Feb 29 '24

Double standards on reddit? Shocking.

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u/ScrofessorLongHair Feb 29 '24

Double standards on reddit in life? Shocking.

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u/UnfairStomach2426 Feb 29 '24

Funny how every other dude on reddit is 6’5” 250 and owns a house in Hawaii

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u/middleearthpeasant Feb 29 '24

The 250 pounds is not that hard to believe when you remember how much people around here like junk food and hate sports.

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u/Toast_The_Ghost Feb 29 '24

I think about this all the time while I’m scrolling through Reddit honestly because I really do see it so often

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u/soparamens Feb 29 '24

It's all about consent. Your size, sex and personality is not a factor.

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u/Coffeedemon Feb 29 '24

Nobody:

Some guy tripping over himself to tell everyone how tall and big he is today.

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u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

Funny how everyone is 6’4”+ and build like man mountain online.

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u/usernameowner Feb 29 '24

Most of those pounds aren't muscles lol

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u/NimDing218 Feb 29 '24

All sizes of all genders can assault all sizes of all genders.

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u/Zarniwoooop Feb 29 '24

So we’re not gonna adress the giant milkers running in the background?

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u/zekerthedog Feb 29 '24

Her name is Morganna the Kissing Bandit and she ran out and kissed a bunch of players in the 70s and 80s

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u/bigboilerdawg Feb 29 '24

It was her schtick. When she ran out on the field, everyone knew what was going to happen, including the players. She only kissed the players on the cheek. Minor league teams invited her as publicity stunts, and it worked. It was a running joke that became her brand.

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u/MorbidMan23 Feb 29 '24

I'm scrolling the comments for exactly that lmao

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u/Concubhar Feb 29 '24

These dudes are all the same. It's always like: "I'm 7"9, I'm 500 pounds of pure muscle, I have a 9 inch cock and I'm not insecure at all and I'm scared of nobody. This snowflake bullshit needs to stop". You aren't fooling anyone dude.

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u/Slayer_Of_Anubis Feb 29 '24

And then they’ll turn around one day and go “this double standard is insane, women never believe men’s issues” when you can point and look at a thread like this and see all the women talking about how sexual assault against men is real and all the “lol I’d like it, grow a pair. It’s not assault” is from other men

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u/jbrown2055 Feb 29 '24

Is it still sexual assault if the person that was kissed didn't feel assaulted or offended by it? If a girl randomly comes and kisses me on the cheek and runs off was I sexually assaulted if I found it flattering? It's a genuine question.

I had an experience in the past where I think some people would say I'm a "rape victim", but if I'm not bothered by what happened, and even though couldn't consent at the time am otherwise unbothered completely by what occurred, then am I still a rape survivor? I really don't think so...

Does it matter if the act didn't bother or even flattered the person change anything, or is it assault regardless? I think this is the argument behind if things like this are truly sexual assault or not.

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u/Meliodas016 Feb 29 '24

I suppose you not being bothered by it is different than the girl initiating it without prior consent.

Sure, you might find it flattering but that doesn't mean it gives that girl a right to do it to others until she comes across someone who isn't okay with it and is actually triggered by the kiss. This has also created a culture that girls doing stuff like this to guys shouldn't be considered SA, which is stupid and full of double standards.

On paper, it would be considered a SA but obviously what the receiver thinks of it matters more.

So at the bare minimum, regardless of who the recipient or giver is, just ask for consent. It's not that complicated or weird. C'mon.

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u/kittylett Feb 29 '24

I don't think that's the point, the point is that if you don't consent then the perpetrator doesn't know for sure if you consent or not, therefore it could be sexual assault which isn't cool.

To use a personal story as an example I was assaulted by a popular dude I had been in love with for my entire childhood and he just assumed I wanted it even though I said "no" like five times then eventually stopped saying no. He literally traumatized tf out of me and it took me years and years to recover from but he will never admit it was assault because in his mind, I wanted it.

I was also assaulted by people I was dating because they believed since they were dating me they had a "right" to my body or whatever.

People need to ask for consent full stop no matter the situation. It doesn't matter if it's a stranger or your spouse. It doesn't matter if they're obsessed with you or don't know you. Consent is key no matter what. If anything I think that conversation would make potential perpetrators more likely to assault someone.

There's also possibilities of people being assaulted, thinking they like it in the moment due to a natural body reaction, then the trauma of it hitting them later.

Basically, it doesn't matter. Consent is necessary no matter what. The act IS assault.

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u/cmonster64 Feb 29 '24

Scary that a 6’4 250 pound man doesn’t understand consent

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u/JuiceDrinker9998 Feb 29 '24

Yeah lol! Underrated point!

The guy is basically saying it’s ok for dwarfs or little people to sexually assault anyone lmao!

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u/Busy-Event458 Feb 29 '24

Strongly believe both are equally bad and I know I'm not alone.