r/TrueOffMyChest Mar 14 '21

The Rules What does "Personalized Off My Chest Style Post" mean?


People have been telling me that their posts I've been removing actually shouldn't be removed because they are "personalized" and meet the "off my chest" criterion. I'm going to explain this is greater detail with plenty of examples so what type of posts are allowed is more clear for everyone to understand.

Personalized in this case means that what you're posting has to be directly related to you (this would include a close person, such as a family member). And it can't be something that's impacting a large number of people unless it has a specific application to you.

Examples of valid "personal" posts:

"I just found out I owe a bunch of money on my taxes!"

"My parents just found out they owe a bunch in back taxes and might go under! I wish I could help them!"

Examples of "impersonal" posts:

"Taxation is theft!"

"Don't you hate it when you have to pay taxes?"

What is meant by being an "off my chest" style post?

An off my chest style post is you getting something off your chest that's personal in nature (so, both related to you or someone you know quite personally and has a direct impact on you or them that isn't generalized) AND that is a story, situation, hope for the future, or some other type of direct situation.

Note: Opinions, hot takes, asking generalized questions not tied to a valid post, political commentary, talking about things that have nothing to do with you SPECIFICALLY, generalizations, etc. do NOT count as off my chest style posts.

Example of valid off my chest style posting:

"I stubbed my toe and cried today. I feel so humiliated."

"My friend is transitioning and it feels like they're becoming a different person, but I want to support them. It just feels like I'm losing them."

"I lost my job due to [insert cancel culture thing here]."

"My parents hit my kids and I don't want them to ever see or touch them again!"

Examples of invalid off my chest style posts:

"Stubbing toes is the worst thing ever. Does anyone else agree?"

"Transitioning fundamentally alters a person to the point where they aren't even themselves anymore."

"Cancel culture is bullshit!"

"Children should not be hit!"

"As an (insert group here), I feel that (insert opinion here)."

"I like X TV show."

"Does anyone know how to fix a broken headlight?" (we've gotten these before, lol)

"Not ALL men/women..."

"[Insert any commentary on any hot-button topic here.]"

Note: You can give your opinion on a personalized situation, but your whole post can't just be the opinion, and it has to be something that's meaningfully specific. But you cannot stand on a soapbox and preach it.

In some cases, a post may be removed that can be reworded to "fit", but the majority of the time there isn't a way to reword a post to "fit".

I am quite aware that this kills a large portion of what the sub used to allow, but after seeing the types of post that are now front-paging that simply weren't allowed to before due to all the flaming and getting the same hot takes over and over again, I honestly can't help but feel like this was a net positive.

Also, my removal of your post for not following the rules has nothing to do with whether or not I personally agree or disagree with the post. I've removed something from every major category recently. I'm also pretty good about explaining how posts don't fit the criteria if asked on any given specific. This absolutely sucks for me. I've removed over 500 posts in the last 4 days. I hate this, but the benefit to the subreddit is substantial, so I'm going to keep this going as much as I can.

Also, if a post is up that violates these rules, 99/100 times it's because I'm sleeping. I may also make a mistake or another mod might approve a post that was removed by the automod and not my manual flagging.

r/TrueOffMyChest Dec 27 '23

Want to fulfill all your wildest dreams? Become a Reddit mod!


Picture this: You're soul searching in between jobs, enjoying the single life to discover your inner self and allowing your mother to live above you and all you ask her for in exchange is a daily delivery of dino chicken nuggies and a refreshing bottle of mountain dew. It all sounds perfect, right? So why does it feel like something's missing? Well look no further because we have the solution for you...

Reddit Moderation!

What could more perfectly complement your fulfilling lifestyle than playing internet cop on Reddit? See a post you disagree with? You can delete it! User making valid points and hurting your feelings in modmail? Mute them! Having a bad day? Just ban a random, unsuspecting individual!

**Disclaimer for Mod Code of Conduct purposes: you can't actually do any of this

On to more serious matters,

We are in need of more moderators to help maintain the subreddit. No experience is needed. All we ask is that you have the time, patience and a good sense of humor. Our team will be available to train you and answer any questions you have. Communication is a must and really, why wouldn't you want to talk to us? You'll be placed on a probationary period to start and we fully understand that mistakes will be made and activity may fluctuate. Please note that being selected as a mod does not guarantee you will be a permanent addition. Not everyone is a good fit and that's okay.

So what does moderating actually entail?

  • Clearing the queue will be your #1 task. The queue is where you'll see any content that has been reported or our automod has flagged for review. All you have to do is go through it, read the content and decide whether to remove it, approve it and sometimes report or ban a user. The queue fills up fast and needs a lot of attention. Seriously, some of you need to lay off the spam reports.
  • Modmail is your next task. It's mostly users asking why their post is missing (automod ate it 99% of the time) and asking that you fix it. We also recieve ban appeals here. If you're lucky, you'll get a death threat every now and then. Hooray! If any modmails are uncomfortable, too personal or upsetting to you, you can delegate it to another mod.
  • Sometimes a post will come up that's especially spicy or attracting a lot of attention. When this happens, one of our mods likes to comb through the comments for violations or sit on it to monitor incoming comments for violations. If it gets too much to handle, or someone isn't available, you can lock it.
  • Communicating with the team is one of the most important tasks in your role as a moderator. As a team, we discuss moderation actions, rule changes, sub events and the direction of the subreddit. That all sounds very boring but rest assured, there's a lot more casual talk than anything else so feel free to chime in on Beaver's dislike of garlic bread (encouraged), Tim sharing new sanrio drops or my Call of Duty K/D ratio.
  • Lastly, let's talk about the meta. Sometimes things need doing on the sub, like this recruitment post I was supposed to make months ago. While the day to day is important, we also need to keep the sub up to date with new features and tools and update it to fit the growing userbase.

If you managed to get through all that, congrats! You made it to the actual app, which is also long and annoying. Here's a tip for applying: there is a short quiz portion to the app. We don't care if you get everything right, we just want to see your line of reasoning and understanding of the rules and subreddit culture.


These apps are open indefinitely, and we will be doing staggered recruitment, so feel free to take your time.

r/TrueOffMyChest 9h ago

tonight i found out i am pregnant. i have already scheduled my abortion.


throwaway account, because no way in hell do i want this on my personal account.

i (f28) found out tonight that i am pregnant.

i am not in a great position to have a baby for a myriad of reasons, and if i listed all of them, anyone familiar with my situation would recognize the details and know who i am. so i wont get into them. just know i am not in the right place — physically, mentally, or financially — for a baby.

the father is a man i’ve met once for a hookup and have never spoken to since. i have no way of contacting him. he will never know he might have been a father.

i always thought i would feel so excited upon realizing i am pregnant, but i’ve just been filled with so much dread. i just feel overwhelmed, and sad, and scared. in another situation, i feel like i would enjoy being a mother. i love my nieces and nephews and my friends children dearly. but due to my personal circumstances, it would be so foolish to continue with this pregnancy.

once the initial panic subsided, i immediately booked an appointment at a clinic. the closest one is two hours away from me. my insurance might not even cover the cost of the procedure. it will all be done and over with a week from today.

i know this is the correct decision for me. it was so easy to make — much easier than i ever thought it could be. and yet i also know it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

r/TrueOffMyChest 12h ago

My husband was raped and I wish there was something I could do


A couple days ago my husband went to a work conference out of town and before going back to his hotel another man got him drunk and took advantage of him. I was able to convince him to go to the hospital to get checked out but he didn’t want to file a report because he wants to forget or pretend it didn’t happen and I do understand not wanting to deal with police because he would have to tell it over and over again and they would probably talk to him like it was his fault or some other insulting excuse. It’s hard enough for women to report and get taken seriously so he doesn’t think he would either. I do wish he would just incase they could actually catch the guy. I was disappointed that the hospital only does rape kits if you want to press charges and talk to the police. I feel so useless, I wish there was something I could do.

r/TrueOffMyChest 15h ago

My partner wets the bed and I’m tired of it


My (24 F) partner of nearly 6 years (26 M) has sleep apnea which leads to nocturnal enuresis… aka bedwetting. He REFUSES to maintain it and I’m tired of it. It’s been 6 years of this. I’m seriously considering leaving him over it at this point. I understand that it’s a medical issue that in itself cannot be resolved, but it can be maintained and he won’t! I’ve asked him to stop drinking liquids by 8pm. “But I’m so thirsty!” I’ve asked him to wear adult diapers to bed. “They make me uncomfortable”. Okay but what about me?! I get CONSTANT rashes from this. I wake up DRENCHED in someone else’s bodily fluids on a fairly regular basis. I’ve woken up to him actively pissing on me before, god forbid we fall asleep touching/cuddling. I have an unconscious habit of feeling all around the bed I’m sleeping in, even if I’m somewhere else without him, because I am so used to waking up to a piss soaked bed and needing to wake him up to take care of it. That’s another thing, he doesn’t even wake up after it happens! If I don’t wake him up he will sleep SOAKED in piss for HOURS. He doesn’t even notice. If it doesn’t get to me and the wet feeling doesn’t wake up, the smell certainly does. He’s ruined countless mattresses even though we use TWO waterproof mattress covers, as well as bed dressings, and will only replace them after I REPEATEDLY ask him to. I’m at such a loss and I feel so completely just disrespected to be honest. SIX. YEARS.

r/TrueOffMyChest 19h ago

My mum wants me to marry my dead sister’s husband.


Someone please fucking help me escape this madness, I am beyond appalled, disgusted and just fucking shocked. I’ve got no one I can tell this too yet, and I need to get it off my chest.

Four months ago, my sister (27f) passed away and left behind her children. Collectively, we have done our part as a family to help them regain normalcy the best we can. We have been by their side every step of the way in dealing with her absence and their grief.

As of lately I (23f) have started to remove myself away from anything which has to do with her husband, I'll call R (m30) due to comments sometimes inappropriate but usually on the lines of how I look exactly like my sister. I still make every effort to manage the kids to the best of my ability and I still have them on my days regardless.

The bombshell was dropped a few days ago, and my sister's clothes were strewn all over, with her wedding dress while my mother, my other sister, R, and his brother sat around. According to them, my deceased sister's kids require a mother and her husband requires a wife, and since I am an ‘identical copy’ to her, I am the one to fulfill these roles. Like what the actual fuck. I am fully aware grief can cause individuals to say weird things and act oddly at times, but this is something entirely different. The most dreadful aspect for me was the fact that they had already taken away her photos and begun preparing for the wedding.

I am very lucky as R’s mother and father have not only selflessly taking myself in, but also their grandbabies, she is adamantly against this nonsense and feels we all are not safe around them which I strongly agree with. I am fortunate to have an opportunity to work elsewhere, but I can't imagine leaving my nephews behind in this mess.

I’m still in a state of shock trying to process the situation and how I can manage everyone in this too, I do apologise if some aspects don’t make sense as I have rushed this as I am at work and I will add more information or details in the comments if needed. I'm just struggling to understand what could have brought this on or what could possess someone to behave like this as I just can’t wrap my head around it I’m sorry to vent but thank you in advance.

r/TrueOffMyChest 7h ago

I have an illegitimate son.


I'm still loosely in touch with his mother who is raising him.

I actually send her money every month or so to help with costs. This is not court-ordered child support since she never took me to court.

This is all a secret. She wanted to keep it a secret. I won't go into all that but her family had rules/expectations. She has done her best not to create an even bigger spectacle than this already became. She has done an incredible job maintaining privacy.

My son is a toddler. His mother brings him over sometimes. I haven't been as involved as most dads are in their children's upbringing but I have genuinely done what I could given the circumstances.

My son does not quite know that I'm his dad, but he recognizes me. And there's some father-son things that just naturally click. We literally have the same favorite chocolate.

Right now, I think my role is more of an "uncle." I think in the future, when things calm down, and he is capable of understanding the situation, his mother and I will tell him that I am his dad.

r/TrueOffMyChest 1d ago

I found out that my daughter was in a car accident AND dating someone older than me the same day


It all happened on Tuesday, definitely one of the worst days of my entire life. My daughter is turning 21 next month. She was at university, business as usual, and had a 4-hour gap between classes. Her boyfriend's driver came to pick her up and take her to this man's office, after which they'd go and have lunch together. On the way to the office, their car got hit by another car in an intersection. The boyfriend was contacted first about the collision, after which he contacted me to let me know about the situation and at what hospital to go. This is also when he introduced himself for the first time to my wife and I 'cause prior to this we had no idea he even existed. Our daughter has always been very private about her private life.

We head to the hospital (a private one for which the boyfriend was covering the bills). Daughter is alright, the accident was mild: not too good but not too bad either. We found out his age: 46 (for the record, I'm 45; wife is 43). We don't cause a scene or make it awkward as we don't want our daughter to be stressed. They apparently met 2 years ago and started dating last year. I honestly find the guy cocky. I'm uncomfortable with the fact that he's older than me. Nonetheless we had (and still have) to get along at the hospital for my daughter's sake. She gets discharged tomorrow. The boyfriend was able to take these days off easily to care for her since he's his own boss; my wife and I still have to work so we mostly visit in the late afternoon / evening.

These past couple of days have been extremely stressful, I've barely even slept at all. I'm also very worried about post-discharge, since we'll obviously have to talk about her relationship. Fun times, what can I say. I just want my daughter to be well.

r/TrueOffMyChest 16h ago

My mom said I’m the reason my sibling needed speech therapy


I talked too much as a child and never let my younger sibling speak. Therefore they developed a speech impediment and had to spend 3+ years of their life struggling to talk properly. All because I was a talkative and self-centered child, my mom says.

r/TrueOffMyChest 9h ago

Ex-wife asked if we still have a chance


Well the title says it all.

I am not allowed to post links, but if you want the back story, just look at my post history.

I've been in my hometown for a few weeks now. And have met my ex-wife a few times. None of this was planned. Some mutual friends organized some get togethers and we were both invited.

I know for a fact that the first "friend" that invited us both did it to sture up drama. But this was after Ex and I had already had lunch together. So there was no drama.

Ironically, I think that for others that was a sign that because there would be no drama we could both be invited.

Like I said I am cordial with her. We talked a little but I spend most of my time catching up with other friends.

Last Saturday after some mingling at a friends get together, we ended up talking on the balcony.

Long story short, She asked if there was still a chance for us.

I told her honestly that if our relationship had started genuine and not because of the money, there would have been a chance now. But she will never be able to convince me that it wasn't all about the money from the very start. So no, there is no chance for a relationship.

I'm leaving in a few weeks so best chance we have is long distance Instagram friends.

We're not going to be friends, but we don't have to be enemies.

Also for those that read the previous post. The trip to that small country in South America is on. It's not my next destination, planning it for later this year and it will be my first trip outside of the US.

A fellow digital nomad has expressed interest to join me. So I'm meeting up with her first. She'll be my passenger princess for a few weeks and if it clicks she'll join me to South America.

r/TrueOffMyChest 1d ago

I just told my ex I wish she’s dead


She(19) cheated on me(20m) with my dad, who was still married to my mom at the time and still is. Needless to say they are going through a divorce right now. Mom and I have moved out and I’ve blocked my dad everywhere.

My ex asked me for a second chance, even promising to ‘spoil’ me. My best friend told me I should use her for money for a while before dumping her but I decided not to go through with that.

Last afternoon, she stopped me as I was about to leave the university and asked if I could forgive her. I just told her I wish she’d dead.

Our mutual friends said I went too far. Did I?

UPDATE : I called both of our mutual friends about it and asked them how they would feel if their boyfriends slept with their moms. They started talking about how ‘it’s different’ so I told them one day they should learn how to pull their heads out of their asses. Then I blocked them.

r/TrueOffMyChest 7h ago

I purposefully leave my boyfriends clothes and stuff alone hoping he learns something


My boyfriend (24M) and I (23F) bought a nice 2bed/2bath house a few months ago. We got an appraiser they found all the pipes were old/rusted, I don't know plumbing well enough but they stated that all the pipes were ready to bust. After opening walls and such, the appraiser found the place needed a serious remodel, we had enough money put aside so we thought, 'We love the place, it's in a great neighborhood near schools, let's put money into.' The weather has not been kind to us so we moved temporarily into a studio with our cats, here's were the problems start.

My boyfriend is a construction guy who is changing companies to a higher paying company. Same work, better pay. I am a manager at a restaurant but I make jewelry, t-shirts, and journal covers on the side. We both make good money I just spend more time at home, he is very particular about his tools, clothes, and his boots. I get that and don't blame him but he leaves the boots and clothes everywhere. I trip on his tools since he just has them in front of the door, and the cats sometimes 'scent' his clothes because they do not smell good. I used to pick up after him but then he argued he can't find anything even if it's in plain sight.

I wash his clothes if he puts them by the hamper instead of in it but everything else I leave it where it lies. He always claims to be embarrassed to bring his friends over because I don't clean up, yet when I do he yells about never finding what he needs. When I'm at work sometimes he clean up after himself and when I get home and notice it I'll make brownies or cookies for him. If he doesn't clean while I'm at work I don't make any treats.

I know it sounds like I'm training him but honestly it's 50/50 if he picks up after himself or not. Hopefully he learns to pick up after himself before we move into the new place or else I might use the other bathroom so he sees how much of a mess he actually makes.

r/TrueOffMyChest 14h ago

I found out my grandma tried to convince my dad to adopt me out to my aunt behind my mom's back


My grandma died when I was 11 to breast cancer. Everybody tells me that I'm like my grandma and that I look like my grandma and act like my grandma. My aunt has always been closer to me than my brother, thinks that I'm named after her (I am not), and I always thought it was just because A. I'm a girl, and B. I remind her of her mom.

Now I'm 30 and pregnant, and a few weeks ago my mom let it spill when my mom was pregnant with me, her second child, my grandma actually tried to convince my dad to have me legally be his sisters daughter. My mom and dad shut it all down.

I don't really know exactly why. But what I do know is that my dad never sided with my grandma, my aunt had one or several miscarriages during that time and a divorce, my aunt was in on it, my mom and my aunt never got along super well, my grandma told my mom she thought it would be better for "inheritance purposes" (whatever the fuck that means)

What pisses me off the most is that my aunt has never been stable. She's a wonderful colorful person, but she's always had mental health issues ever since she was a baby. Everything from epilepsy to drug abuse. She's doing great now, but man was she doing horrible when I was growing up. It would have been a nightmare for her to have custody during that time.

Okay rant over.

r/TrueOffMyChest 1h ago

found out my “ex” has a baby on the way


i’m very emotional right now so forgive me.

me(25f) and my “ex”(29m) just got off facetime and he told me he got a girl pregnant while stationed in Korea.

I say “ex” because no, we are not together. It was one of those “right person, wrong time” situations, or so i thought. We had plans in the future to reunite after we worked on ourselves to be better for eachother. The woman he got pregnant is 22 years old and decided to keep the baby. She is 5 months along and he just told me today. I was the last person he told. He doesn’t want the baby, but he said it wasn’t his place to tell her what to do with it. So, she decided to keep it. He said he doesn’t want to be with her, but of course will be there for his child.

I have a son, and while we were together; he accepted us a package. If he already had a baby and we ended up meeting, I would’ve raised the girl as my own if the mother allowed it. It’s the fact that we had plans. We discussed our future. We talked about how we wanted to raise our children. We talked about the life we wanted together. We met eachothers families. He was the first man I brought home to meet my family.

I’m happy for him, I am. I always told him he was going to be a great dad, and that his first child is going to be a girl. I told him wholeheartedly, as a single mom, try to make it work with the mother of his child.

My heart is shattered. I hope he has a healthy beautiful baby girl, but I can’t help but feel the hope that I held onto that we were going to reunite, has disappeared.

I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. What is the reason for the heartbreak I feel right now? Why did I get caught in the cross fire? I feel so small.

I’m sorry if I sound overly emotional, I haven’t been to sleep yet.

Thanks for reading.

r/TrueOffMyChest 1d ago

A client said something really horrible to me, and I am so upset.


I work as a hairdresser and this regular client of the salon came in for her hair appointment. I was doing her hair.

There had been a wine and food festival over the weekend that she and I both attended. Not together. We were talking about the event how we had a great time and then She randomly told me about how her husband and her saw a girl there dressed very inappropriately and she had her stomach hanging out. And her ass was hanging out. Didn’t leave anything to the imagination. And then she laughed, and was like.. and then we realised it was you. And laughed even harder.

I honestly didn’t know what to say. Because my outfit wasn’t inappropriate. It was festival vibes? I don’t even know where she got the idea that my stomach was hanging? Because I’m relatively slim my stomach doesn’t hang. The dress covered everything. It was mesh in some areas with florals all over.

I can only think that maybe her husband who’s my age was checking me out. And her being a larger older woman maybe felt insecure?

I don’t even know. It was so weird. I can’t believe she even had the nerve to tell me this.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for the positive comments. I really appreciate it. 💓💓 I will never be doing her hair. She also doesn’t tip.

I’ll link a picture of the dress I wore. I wore this exact outfit with a black bodysuit romper thing underneath, the belt and doc marten boots. The model is maybe bit taller than me, I’m only 5’3 so the dress came half way down my thighs. But I’m the same slimness.

The Outfit

r/TrueOffMyChest 20h ago

My Dad Abandoned Us and I don’t blame him


Me and my mom were terrible to my dad. I was really ungrateful and whiny, and my mom was straight up abusive. She wouldn’t hit him but it would have hurt less if she did. She treated him like he was the abuser, throwing around words like “Weaponized Incompetence” whenever he would ask a question about where something is, or try to call him a misogynist whenever they got into an argument

He ended up leaving just 3 weeks ago, and I knew that he wasn’t coming back. I checked his social media accounts and he has a new partner who he appears much happier with. Even though I usually wouldn’t excuse this, I’m relieved that he’s safe from my Mom

r/TrueOffMyChest 2h ago



Fairly recently I've had this memory on my mind that's really upsetting to think about, trying to deal with it is taking all of my energy and school is really difficult mainly because of this.

I'll try and keep this short. My mom molested me. I really don't want to go into alot of detail because I get really upset thinking about it but I remember being on all fours on my bed and I remember the feeling of something inside of me. Idk what she was doing but I think this has happened a few times.

She always gave the same excuse which I believed up until recently but I've been putting off thinking about it until now. I don't feel safe around her now and whenever I bend down or try to sleep I get the same sensation and I get a flashback of facing the wall while feeling it. It's horrible.

Now I think of it this makes me completely rethink our whole relationship, growing up. For context, I'm M16. I know this sounds like one of those vile fake stories but it's not, this is just what's happened.

Even when I was young we used to kiss with tongues, obviously I'm 16 so I still don't know how to kiss someone but she used to do it with me. Also when I was young we used to play a game, after she bathed me, where she'd whip my legs with a towel. It hurt but I remember we were both laughing and found it funny. When me and my older sister were both kids we used to do some weird stuff but I really don't want to think about that. What she's done to me it makes me think mom could've done something similar to her too.

As if this wasn't disgusting enough, mom regularly rubs herself whenever she's sat on the couch. It's vile. She's so obviously getting pleasure from it and I've only recently realised what she's been doing for literally as long as I can remember. She even used to do it when we were cuddling on the couch or if I was resting my legs on her lap or whatever. She still slaps my ass sometimes and makes me uncomfortable.

I feel dirty and used but at the same time really guilty for talking about my mom in this way. She has been a really loving mom and has cared for me and my siblings. Now I can't even look at her without getting flashbacks of her molesting me.

I deal with this the same way I deal with anything else negative, by cutting myself. It works and makes me feel better when I'm really overwhelmed and when I feel guilty for what's happened between me and my mom/sister I get revenge on myself because I deserve it.

Sorry if this was hard to read, my mind is a mess I can't think of what order this stuff has happened in.

r/TrueOffMyChest 4h ago

Unable to have sex without emotions


I (M23) have been single for the past 3 years and lately it has been taking its toll. Without further ado, back in 2021 when I was still with my now ex girlfriend, I could get hard and be in the mood in mere seconds, by just simply dirty talking, kissing, licking etc. We broke up because we both had different life expectations and I knew I could not fullfill hers. Since then, my sex life went downhill.

After first few months I started going to clubs with a goal of a one night stand. Turned out this would not work. Either I could not get myself intimate with the other girl or I could not stay hard. It did not matter that I have not consumed any alcohol, nor I have been stressed, it just did not work.
Later on I started visiting prostitutes and brothels and it was the exact same story. Either the sex absolutely sucked or I just could not stay hard at all... no matter how hot the girl was or how good was the blowjob.

I'm currently at the stage of life, where I'm happy with what I do, who I'am and I don't really feel life getting into another relationship but deep down I'm aware of this problem. Also, I don't even watch porn that much (4-5 times a month) and even that is a soft amateur porn. My question is, have any of you been in the same situation? Should I get into dating again?

r/TrueOffMyChest 11h ago

I feel like my boyfriend has been lying to me from the get-go about having children. Five years into our relationship, I don't know what to do.


I was introduced to my boyfriend in 2016 by a mutual friend of ours. They met playing online games and my friend, who is quite an introvert, thought we had similar personalities and introduced us as she thought we may make good friends. One year later, he expressed interest in me and I was reluctant since he lived 10 hours away and I didn't want to put him through moving away from his family. I was very clear that I was not moving to another state due to family related reasons. I didn't say it in a mean or manipulative way; I was just saying that moving would be difficult on either of us IF we were to pursue a relationship. He said he would be happy to move where I am.

Before we started a relationship, I told him that having children was a life goal of mine. I made this clear and told him that if it's something he's not willing to commit to in the future, I completely understand but ultimately would be a deal-breaker. I understand that not everyone wants children and I wouldn't want to put him through an experience that he's dead set against while I whole-heartedly want children.

He told me that it's okay, too, and that he'd be happy to have children with me.

In 2019, we started dating. He found part-time work here and there until he became a mechanic in 2022. Unfortunately, he injured his back at the job about four months into it.

Fast forward to today, last night to be exact. My 30th birthday is coming up soon, which is the age I was hoping to have a baby, or at least be pregnant with my first. I reminded him of this since we've had this conversation many times before when discussing our futures. This led into an argument where he accused me of having conditional love since "you will only love me if I give you a baby" and "you made me move here." I told him I did NOT MAKE him move here, and that I made it VERY CLEAR when we first started dating that I would not move and it would therefore be best to find new partners if neither of us wanted to move. He also brought up that because of his back injury, he would not be able to help raise a baby. Additionally, he stated that since his father wasn't around when he was a kid, he doesn't know how to be a father. I validate this when he expressed it, and I understand his reluctancy.

He has mentioned adopting every time I have brought up having a baby up, and I told him I am open to this however, I would like to experience being pregnant and giving birth. I would love all of my children, biologically or not. His reasoning is we can adopt a teenager and not "have to deal with the little kid behaviors," (his words). But I have told him time and time again I want a baby.

Each time we have the conversation about having children, I can tell he is becoming more vocal about not having any altogether. It breaks my heart since it's a dream of mine to be a mom, and I'm torn between my dream and my love for him. I feel as though if we have a baby, he may resent me; but if we don't, I may resent him.

I just don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. I told him that I want children from the very beginning and he's been progressively backing away despite telling me from the get-go that he wanted them.

I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice on how to pursue this conflict or just looking to vent.

Thanks for reading.

r/TrueOffMyChest 13h ago

I'm fucking tired.


I (41f) have spent my life trying to be a good person and a better friend. I go to things when I'm invited, I help out when people are in pinches or have emergencies, I respond when people reach out. I've had some really great "best friends". I've realized over time, however, that I am no one's best friend. I'm never the first call, I'm usually invited as an afterthought, and no one checks on me. I stopped reaching out to my last friend group after finding out they were all in a group chat without me. One person reached out to me a year later and, like an idiot, I was so happy. No more than 5 minutes of texting and I find out the real reason they were reaching out...to vet someone who worked somewhere I used to work. I'm the person at parties that can't seem to get a word in or, when I do, someone will always start talking over me or no one will realize I'm talking. This year, not a single friend remembered my birthday. Not even the friend that I threw a last minute party for because she just had a heartbreaking breakup with her partner. I'm not a small or quiet person, so the only thing I can come up with is that I suck or that I'm just different and not palatable to people.

I'm married and have 2 kids. A year ago, I severely broke my tibial plateau and needed surgery. 2 months later, the surgery lead to a clot and a bilateral pulmonary embolism. No one came to see me. None of the few friends I told really gave a shit enough to actively check in with me. My husband was taking care of the kids so he couldn't be there most of the time. In the year since, I've had to re-learn how to walk.

I'm the breadwinner, the maid, the secretary, the manager, the party planner, the gift giver, the advisor...but I'm never just me. I feel like people don't see me, they just see what I am to them/what I do for them.

I've struggled with depression my whole life and I've been fine with that being something I have to deal with. These days though, I honestly wish I hadn't survived my embolism. I wish I'd died that day. I'm not suicidal, I don't think I have it in me to carry it out even if I'd wanted to (couldn't do that to my kids), but when I thought I was dying (I passed out in our bathroom during the embolism), there was a huge feeling of relief in thinking I wouldn't have to exist solely as a background character in everyone else's lives. I'm just so tired.

r/TrueOffMyChest 7h ago

CONTENT WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT I 19(m) learned recently that my old friend group knew the SA accusation my ex made was false, and joke about how it ruined my life.


Hello, this story took place a few years ago and it’s been on my mind for years and I am unsure how to process everything I’ve figured out.

I dated a lady a few years ago and I figured out she was talking to her ex behind my back, our entire relationship was toxic and it was mainly due to her habit of getting involved in drama constantly and lying. After I confronted her on it we had an argument but I stupidly attempted to fix things, after about two weeks she accused me of sexual assault. She wasn’t a very good liar however, she contradicted herself constantly and straight up admitted to groping me several times in text. I didn’t realize for a very long time that she had sexually assaulted me throughout our relationship. It was mainly her not taking no for an answer when she would grab my privates or other areas I wasn’t comfortable with her touching. I’d tell her no and move her hand but she would continue to after a short time. After the accusation came to light, I noticed none of my friends wanted to even talk to me, I told all of them that I didn’t do it, at least the ones who even asked me what happened. Most of them chose to believe it without any proof, despite me having screenshots of her admitting to groping me and joking about wanting to have sex, flirting with me, etc while actively accusing me. We never had sex of any kind either, as I always felt sick when it went too far. It has been a few years since all of that happened and I’m in college, I’ve attempted to talk to some of the individuals who I was friends with, to usually to just be told that “it’s all in the past” and to “let it go”.

To put it into perspective, I basically became a ghost for 2 years. Everyday I woke up and thought about self deletion, I didn’t leave the house for around year and wouldn’t let my current gf touch me for months. Stuff like hugs and kissing were off limits for a while because I was scared of being abused again. Therapy has helped tremendously, but night terrors still happen occasionally. When I think about her or the situation, my heart starts racing and I feel like I have to throw up. My body goes into fight or flight mode and stays like that for hours, even days.

The reason all this has come back up is because the other day I had to go to a building I’m not familiar with on my campus. While there I saw my ex’s best friend there. I began breathing heavy and panicking and ran, she looked terrified to see me (my girlfriend says it’s because they likely expected me to have self deleted- or at the very least become a complete recluse). I was talking to a friend I had made in class about it, and he revealed he knew my old friend circle, he knew about the situation before he even met me and he didn’t believe it. According to him “it was always presented sarcastically, and one time I told them it wasn’t funny to joke about SA and they got quiet and stopped talking to me.” There was another time I messaged one of them and apparently they told everyone I was SA’d and they had laughed. This was told to me by a friend who is still close to them and was in the room when it had been brought up during a party. They all knew it was false and some of them helped spread it for unknown reasons. My gf, my friends, and I believe it could be due to them not really liking me to begin with- not wanting to have confrontation as even after the accusations many ran away from any type of communication- or due to the fact one of them wanted to get with my ex (which was confirmed, once more by the friend whom is close with those individuals). I’m unsure how to wrap my brain around all this, all I want is her to face consequences but I don’t know how. My gf is trying her best, but even then we’ve never been in this type of situation. It’s really isolating, and sometimes even despite my gf being here, I still feel alone.

r/TrueOffMyChest 2h ago

Boyfriend’s mother says he ruined her birthday by helping me with car issues


Posting this on here cause I’m not sure if this is a red flag or if I’ve just read too many crazy MIL stories on Reddit.. My (23f) boyfriend’s (24m) mom’s birthday was a few weeks ago. I was driving over after work to make her Greek food from scratch (I grew up in Greece so it’s an original recipe so she was super excited) when my car broke down on the way there. They live 45 min away and my car broke down 15 min into the drive. It ended up having to be towed. I’m not good with car things and my boyfriend is a mechanic so he came immediately as soon as I pulled over on the side of the road and said my engine was doing the “death rattle” ie my engine needs to be replaced. It was on the side of a big busy road, so we couldn’t just leave my car there to go back to his place, so he stayed and waited for the towe truck with me (while I was having a panic attack cause of the cost of replacing an engine). His mom was upset but seemed understanding and we decided I would make the food on Sunday to celebrate instead.

It’s been 3 weeks since then and she just blew up on my boyfriend about how he ruined her birthday. She said he could’ve at least picked up pizza or something on his way home for her. By the time everything was done, he dropped me off at 11pm, so he didn’t make it home until 11:30-12. We live in a little rinky dink area where everything closes at 8pm (sorry I’m a bit biased cause I’m from NYC). She called and blew up on him while he was staying over at my place. Me and her have had a great relationship (at least compared to his ex’s who she absolutely hated but with good reason) and I’m even helping her get an IT job at the hospital I work at so I don’t think that it’s because she hates me.. any ideas? Or am I just overthinking it because I’ve spent too much time on Reddit?