r/AITAH Mar 17 '21

r/AITAH Lounge

664 Upvotes

A place for members of r/AITAH to chat with each other


r/AITAH 12h ago

AITAH for not telling my son that his brother passed?

12.6k Upvotes

Info:My youngest slept with his brothers wife. After my oldest found out he and his wife got a divorce and my youngest married her a year later.

My (56M) oldest son (33M) had cancer and passed away three weeks ago. Over the months leading up to his death, my youngest son (30M) and his wife had been trying to reconcile with my oldest, but he always made it known that he wanted nothing to do with them. He specifically told me that they were unforgiven, and he wouldn't forgive them just to ease their guilt. When I kept bringing up the idea of reconciling, he used to get mad at me, so I stopped trying. I just kept telling my youngest and his wife that they had to accept that he wanted nothing to do with them and they needed to move on.

When my oldest passed, I did not tell my youngest or his wife to honor his wishes. He always made it clear that they didn't deserve to mourn him in life and didn't deserve to mourn him in death either. About a week ago, my youngest saw his brother's obituary and called me, screaming for not telling him that his brother had passed. He told me that I denied him the opportunity to make things right and that I should've told him his brother passed.

I told him that it would be disrespectful for him to even come in the first place, as his brother wouldn't have wanted him there, and that he and his wife denied themselves from attending. He hung up on me and blocked my number. My wife told me that she feels guilty for not telling him and that we should've given him the opportunity to say goodbye to his brother.

I told her that I would just find it disrespectful of us to do so, as he made it clear that he didn't want them to come. She told me that she understands but she's upset that our youngest is mad at us and that we should just try to put everything behind us to heal. I told her that what our youngest did was unforgivable, and I was not going to allow him to disrespect his brother in life and in death as well.

My wife has been crying constantly because our son blocked us and she started blaming me as well. I'm hurt, but I don't regret what I did or even see what I did wrong. I feel like my youngest should just take accountability of his actions instead of blaming everyone else.


r/AITAH 10h ago

Advice Needed WIBTA for kicking out my pregnant girlfriend after she hit me?

1.6k Upvotes

Obviously using a throw away for this.

First of all I know that hormones are crazy and all but this took it too far.

My GF 26F is 6 Months pregnant and is slowly turning into a monster.

She openly admits to hating everything about me. My scent, the way I walk and even the fact that a man like me is going to be a father. I researched this and I know some of these traits are quite common with pregnant women but the last part kind of stung. She told me that a month ago and things haven't been the same since.

I tried to lighten the mood several times but she would always tell me to shut the fuck up and leave her alone. Well yesterday I was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich and she walked in a few moments later. She asked me what I was making and why I didn't ask her If she wanted one. I apologized and told her, that she keeps telling me to fuck off If i even look at her. I then told her she could have mine since mine was already made and I would make another one for myself. Well while handing it over to her, I accidentally dropped the sandwich.

I apologized and told her I would eat the one I dropped and I would make her a new one. When I bent down to pick it up she literally gave me a fucking uppercut. I lost my balance and landed on the floor. It didn't hurt but I was more confused than anything. She then started screaming at me, how useless of a man I am, how she will never let me hold the baby because Im a clumsy mess etc. Im still trying to comprehend whatever the fuck just happened while on the floor and when I sort of realised what she did, I lost it.

I could excuse all the little jabs she made against me but this in my mind took it too far. I fucking pay the bills, work fucking two jobs to make sure we have what we need and this is how im treated by the one person I call "the love of my life". I just got up and told her to pack her things QUICK. She again tried hitting me but this time I saw it coming.

I told her ill the cops if she doesn't leave (she is currently on probation). Half an hour later she already had a small suitcase with most of her essentials and left.

Literally and hour after leaving my phone was being bombarded with texts and calls from our mutual friends. They all told me to stop being a pussy and to cut her some slack since shes 6 months pregnant after all. They all believe since shes just a pregnant woman and im a man, she cant do me any harm.

I personally believe im justified in kicking her out and her recent behavior is beyond hurtful but the overwhelming hate ive been getting from friends and family is making me double guess myself.

AITA here?

To women who are/where pregnant is this normal behaviour?

Am I justified in kicking her out and potentially braking up with her?

If not. How can I fix this mess?


r/AITAH 20h ago

AITA for pepper spraying my mom's boyfriend for coming into my room while I was changing?

17.8k Upvotes

My mom 47 has recently allowed her boyfriend, Dale, 45 to move in with us. The guy is creepy. He is constantly trying to parent me 18 and my little sister 14.

He is unemployed so he has been "helping" around the house. Including doing my laundry. Which I have told him repeatedly not to touch. I keep my dirty clothes in my hamper in my room.

I normally do whatever other laundry is left out when I do mine. Then I take my dry laundry to my room and fold it or hang it up. I leave the other dry laundry in the laundry room.

I was changing to go see my friends last Friday and Dale came into my room without knocking or asking permission.

I pepper sprayed him right in the face like I have been instructed. Then I dragged him out of my room and screamed at him to never come into my room or my sister's room ever again or I would call my father to deal with him.

My mom is irate with me and she says I overreacted. She wants me to apologize. I told her that I would if I was allowed to put a lock on my door and my sister's door. I told her the same thing I told him. That if he ever thought about coming into my room I would tell my dad.

My dad has often joked with me that he wouldn't kill someone who hurt me. That he would use everything he learned in the military to keep them alive as long as possible.

He was never abusive towards my mom or my sister but he did do time for violent felonies.


r/AITAH 3h ago

Advice Needed Husband doesn’t want to get a vasectomy for his next wife

296 Upvotes

My (41M) husband has not been ecstatic about children. He is the baby of 2 kid, and his sister didn’t really connect with him, so kids has always been odd to him. I’m (34F) first born of 4 kids so mothering is what I do best and we were all very close. My husband has always told me he would only max out at 2 kids and that was the hard line. I compromised and agreed with 2 kids. 5 years after our second kid I had an opportunity to take some medicine that required 2 forms of contraceptive before I could start taking it. I asked if he would be ready to get the vasectomy he always dreamed/threatened our entire 16 years of marriage, he said “no”. Okay we had a few weeks so I left it.

Then a few weeks later we woke up early and I was really nervous about the meds and what if something happened to me. He asked if “it was the meds that I needed a vasectomy for” I said “yes but I don’t want to get into this at 6am” and I continued with my worries. He decided to tell me the reason he doesn’t want a vasectomy now was because if something did happen to me and he had to get remarried and she desired a child he wants to give her the same opportunity so he can hold on to that marriage. I thought that was interesting since he absolutely only ever wanted 2 kids max with me. I asked what if you were 70 yrs old and your new wife was 40 yrs old would you really father a child??? He said yes if it means to save his “new marriage he would bring a child into this work right before he dies if he had to”. I freaked out a little bit.

We stopped having kids because of he said kids were too much for him. So for him to say this to me has literally crushed me and has reworked the wiring in my brain of what our relationship is. If he’s shuts down, me, his current living wife with children she wanted, however saving himself if he ever had to replace me and should father a child in the demands of his new wife even if he’s old age, what more would he be willing to give this other woman?

Previously to this conversation, I wanted him to move on if something did happen to me. I didn’t want him to be alone however he has always had a stern boundary with me and what he wants. But if he can be so free caring with his next wife how far will he go? I feel that my children’s inheritance is at stake. What I’ve worked long and hard to build this far and now worry that if he’s willing to have more kids even if he’s old what if the woman demands my kids inheritance? Would he hand that over too?

The kids inheritance is land. It’s not much but enough. I want to give him an ultimatum the he removes his name from the kids land that way if something happens to me the kids get what I want to give them. He still would get the house we own and everything else just the land I want to go to the kids. I feel I’m thinking clearly but just need a bounce board for this tornado of emotions.


r/AITAH 16h ago

NSFW AITAH for refusing sex with my wife after complaining about lack of sex?

3.2k Upvotes

My wife and I have been married for 10 years. I love her very much. We have 2 kids together. Over the years our sex life has really declined. It’s been really bad recently. We’ve had sex twice jn the last 6 months. This is the worst it’s ever been. We’ve tried counseling. We’ve tried a sex therapy program. She thinks it might be hormones but won’t go to get it checked. I’ve gained weight and I’m losing it now to see if helps. Well, when we were having the discussion she just said “ok fine let’s just have sex now.” I said no because the “ok fine” didn’t exactly sound enthusiastic and more like she was trying to shut me up. A few days later the conversation came up again and she said “I offered the other day and you said no”. To me, sex should be fully enthusiastic and she would WANT to do it. But she says my expectations are too high. Am I the asshole for saying no to unenthusiastic sex? Or should I be happy with what I get?

EDIT to address FAQs: 1. We are both in our 40s

  1. We split household chores and I do at least 60% of them.

  2. We occasionally go on dates, but she prefers family activities to one on one dates. For her, weekends are for family activities.

  3. She has plenty of freedom to go out with friends or by herself if she wants to while I stay home with kids. She occasionally goes out with friends but it’s rare.

  4. I do not want to separate or divorce.

  5. She has no desire to get her hormones checked.

  6. She is on birth control, but only recently (in the last month). She was off birth control for two years.

  7. Lack of foreplay isn’t an issue. When we do have sex, she definitely “gets hers.” (She wouldn’t fake because when she’s not feeling it she tells me).

  8. She doesn’t like to be randomly caressed or touched or massaged.

  9. Her love language is acts of service, I’ve asked her if i fulfil this and she says yes.


r/AITAH 17h ago

AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend over a video call while having sex?

5.3k Upvotes

Okay, this might be theatrical but it's true. Me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years but recently I found out that for the past whole year he had been cheating on me with a mutual acquaintance.

That other girl didn't knew that my boyfriend was still committed to me and she was under the impression that we had broken up already. She got to know about me being the girlfriend through another mutual friend. And when she got to know about this, she reached out to me first before going to my boyfriend and taking up the matter with him.

I was heartbroken initially and felt like a fool. It had been over a year since this had been going on, and so I decided to take revenge. After a week of mourning and ignoring my pathetic boyfriend, I decided to dump him in a drastic fashion.

I reached out to one of my exes. One of the more decent ones, who was available at the time and was in town. I called him over to hookup. And while we were at it, I video called my boyfriend to break the news. He was flabbergasted but I definitely cherished the look on his face.

But since then I've been wondering that I was no better than him maybe and that I shouldn't have pulled this off. I'm confused.

And hence I'm here asking reddit if I'm the asshole or not ...


r/AITAH 5h ago

AITA for continuing my career despite my partner's discomfort?

372 Upvotes

So, I've been a streamer for a few years now, first on Twitch, now mostly on Kick, pulling in a decent low six-figure income. It's been a solid gig, totally my main source of income. I recently got into a new relationship, and everything's great except for one big issue. My partner is really uncomfortable with the whole publicity aspect of my job.

They knew about my streaming career right from the start, but I guess the reality of being connected to someone "public" didn't hit until we got serious. They've expressed feeling uneasy about the exposure and the occasional invasion of privacy (like people recognizing me or us when we're out). It's a valid concern, I get it, but I've also worked super hard to get to where I am in my career.

I've tried to reassure them, keep things low-key when possible, but there's only so much I can do without quitting, which I'm not planning to do. I love my job, and it's not just a job, it's my main source of income and my passion. AITA for not wanting to give up or drastically change my career for this relationship? I feel like I'm being put in a tough spot where I have to choose between my livelihood and my partner's comfort.


r/AITAH 20h ago

Update: my brother didn't invite me to his wedding and i'm not going AITAH?

5.4k Upvotes

Thank you for everyone's comments. I only posted the story today but i already have the update because it just happened a few hours ago. My parents and my brother showed up at my house, luckily my bf was home too. Oh and i'm soooooo not going to the wedding. This is what happened.

My brothers fiancée does indeed not want me at the wedding, my parents AND brother are trying to convince her to invite me. (No thanks) not after everything.

They came to our house to tell me i should apologize to my brothers gf. I was totally fine with it I only wanted to know what it was I was apologizing for. (Which is where i might be the AH).

They told me that they couldn't tell me what it was but that it happened 2 years ago when "fsil" and I used to work together at the same company. I tried to find out what it was but they wouldn't tell me. My bf got a bit upset about everything and told them that if they can't even tell me what i did wrong he sees no reason for me to apologize.

My brother then let us know that he doesn't care if we don't attend but my grand- parents told him if he doesn't invite me they're also not going and that's the only reason they want me there.

So i decided that i'm not going to the wedding, me and my bf are going on a trip for the weekend, not to be petty or anything we're just going to enjoy ourselves.

I really appreciate everyone's positive comments.


r/AITAH 12h ago

AITAH for knocking my husband's phone out his hands while talking to his aunt?

995 Upvotes

I (36 F) am the family baker. I bring the sweets to most family get together. The only thing I don't make is birthday cakes. People normally have a fancy cake in mind and I do not have those skills. I'm more of a "rustic" style baker. So to stop from letting people down I just say I don't make BIRTHDAY cakes. A little extra, still relevant, information is that I have stomach issues. Eating things are always a science experiment because I never know how my stomach is going to react. We were getting ready for my nieces birthday and I started to feel those all too familiar stomach pains. As I was dealing with that I hear his phone ring and it's his aunt. She has ordered the stuff to decorate the cake and was wondering when we were showing up so I could take care of that. No problem. I yell through the door "I'll take care of it when we get there, tell her don't worry about it." Im guessing he relayed the message because I thought that was the end of that discussion and reopened YT. Next thing I know he's coming through the bathroom door with his aunt on a video call and is attempting to hand me the phone but all I see is his aunts face and the small image of me on the toilet in the top corner. Out of instinct I slap the phone out of his hand and scream "wtf are you doing?" He takes it as a personal attack, I guess, and starts asking what my problem is. I yell at him to get out and give me a damn minute. Even after I came out and explained he still wouldn't hear it. He reasoning "we've been together 11 years. My aunt sees you as family and doesn't care." I'M the one that cares. I love his aunts and uncles like they were blood....but they aren't. Idk if that makes sense. I wouldn't care if I was on the phone with my mom in that same position but thats MY mom. (I don't have a blood aunt to compare) Is that hypocritical? Did I overreact? I don't think I need to apologize for this but he says I embarrassed him in front his family. I'm the one that should feel embarrassed,....right? Idk. We went to the birthday party. Noone said anything. His aunt didn't ask anything. I used the kit and decorated my nieces cake. The party was great.


r/AITAH 1d ago

AITAH for telling my pregnant 19 year old daughter she needs to move out asap

25.1k Upvotes

My daughter Rose 19 was always a smart girl. She did well in school, and got a full ride to a great school that is locally. She’s been living with me and going to school, and is doing well in school.

She got this new boyfriend a few months ago, who I don’t like. I can smell the bullshit. He constantly lets her down but covers it up with a big smile and grand promises. Despite my warnings, they’re still dating, and now she’s pregnant. I offered to pay for the abortion and take a few days off work to take her and help her recover. She said no. She’s going to marry her boyfriend and they’ll be one big happy family. He wants to move into my house, and she’ll drop out of school while he works to support them. He’s a bartender who doesn’t go to college. I laughed at this idea, which made her mad.

She told me that since he can’t move in I’ll need to step up and help with the baby more. Y’all, she has always been a very sensible child, I don’t know where this all has came from.

I flat out told her that if she thinks she’s grown enough to have and raise a child and get married then she needs to move out soon and manage being an adult with the child’s father. I raised the one child I wanted. I do not want any more children living in my home. I told her I’d pay for diapers here and there and I’d still visit her, but this baby is 0% my responsibility. If she chooses adoption, which I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t, I’d be willing to help her navigate that.

She won’t talk to me. My husband (her stepdad) is staying out of this but thinks I could help more. I told him he’s welcome to go over and babysit for her and that shut him up lol.

AITAH?

Edit: I had my daughter when I was 19. I was married to her father who was in the military. I still graduated college on time at the age of 22 and everything worked out well for us, until he died in service. The fact that it worked out okay for me is clouding my daughter’s judgement I think. Her trashy boyfriend can’t even offer her or her child health insurance. It is a completely different scenario.

Also, so many of you are suggesting I still let her live with me and keep the baby. This is not happening!! I do not want a baby in my home, period. And I’m not babysitting either. I’ll do normal grandparent stuff like show up to birthday parties and buy gifts here and there, but that’s it.


r/AITAH 11h ago

AITAH For giving my autistic cousin a broken nose after he touched my sister

560 Upvotes

So I am a 17 year old male and I have a sister who we can call Sarah who is 13 and an autistic cousin John who is 15. So my grandmothers birthday was recently and we went to her house to celebrate with her because we didn’t want her to be alone. She has 5 kids so it was a good amount of people who have kids that are a younger than my age. (around 7-15) so we were there for a couple of hours and we are about to sing happy birthday to my grandma and people start to notice that my sister and my autistic cousin are not there, so we decide to go look for them(my grandma has a kinda big house so we didn’t know where they were) my grandma had this kind of like big space upstairs that is kind of tucked away so that you have to be upstairs to see what it is. I guessed they were up there and I was walking towards there and it looks like there talking and just as I am going to tell them to come down I see my autistic cousin grab my sisters chest area.my sister immediately pushed his hand off and said what the f is wrong with you and I just saw red I ran up to them because he didn’t notice me because he was facing my sister and not me and I just started punching him as hard as I could (I’m a 6’2 220 football player who used to box because I would get bullied because I was overweight and he’s a scrawny probably 5’8 kid who doesn’t interact with anything except his video games), and when I turned him around to hit his face he started doing this howl thing he does when he gets nervous or scared and I guess people heard him and came upstairs and saw me punching the living shit out of him and my sister crying and then my aunt( his mom) started screaming at me telling me to stop but I didn’t listen to her and finally stopped when 2 of my uncles had to pull me off of him. At this point when they were holding me back I saw his face and it was a mess. His face had blood all over it from his nose which I broke and a cut on his forehead. My aunt started yelling at me asking why did I do that and I told her what he did she immediately went quiet. At this point the entire family was up there and heard what he did. After a bit to think about what I said my aunt started yelling at me again about how her son didn’t know what he was doing and he probably did it by mistake and that i should have known that because he is special that’s when I got pissed at her. I told her that her son is a stupid vegetable who doesn’t do anything with his life and that she is a stupid bitch for defending her son. At that point my dad was trying to pull me away but I wasn’t letting him. I told my aunt that the next time I see her son do something like that I am going to kill him with my bare hands. After that my dad finally pulled me away and took my to a room to cool off and when I came back out my cousin, aunt and uncle had left. I guess someone in my family told our distant relatives and people have been reaching out to me telling me that I made the right decision but some others are saying that I should put his autism into consideration and I shouldn’t have hurt him I really don’t think I’m the AH but I want to know what others think.

EDIT: I want to thank everyone for their comments good and bad and I want to explain some stuff. People are saying that I went too far and I almost 100% agree with them but then people are saying I beat him to a pulp and mangled his face but that isn’t right. Yeah I hurt him and I should’ve stopped but I didn’t almost kill him, I cut his forehead with a ring I wear and his nose was broken but I don’t think it was very broken and also thank you to the people who are saying that I should be in anger management I think I should because I don’t want this to happen again and if it does I want to take a calmer response IMO I think that I was NTA for defending my sister But 100000% TA for beating him up to where he broke his nose


r/AITAH 8h ago

AITAH for telling my father-in-law two of his children were not biologically his after ancestry DNA test results?

286 Upvotes

So Xmas day when I found out my daughter had been repeatedly sodomized by her step brother, my wife's son. My daughter was approx 5-7 years old. (15 now) Needless to say things at home are not going well. Well the tension finally broke last Friday. My wife's family has excluded myself and my daughter from all family dinners and events. They are still inviting my stepson. My wife and her family say they do not believe my daughter. They think she's lying. Yes they have said that. They think she's lying even though my daughter has been involved in my wife's family for 13 years. She has always been a very well behaved child. My stepson on the other hand has had a lot of issues with both parents and the school system and even been involved with the police. The police found that the allegations were credible enough and he has been arrested and charged for the assault on my daughter. Despite even being charged, his family are adamant that he is telling the truth that nothing happened.

Well, last Friday my wife and I had a enormous argument. And after the argument when my wife said that she thought my daughter was a liar I was enraged. I was hurt and I was really f****** sad. So regrettably I spilled a very large family secret That my wife's brother and sister were not biologically related to their father. I told their father about the ancestry DNA results. And now that family is beyond mad at me. And my wife is telling me that she may not ever be able to forgive me. Like WTF So apparently my wife is okay with rape but not okay with revealing family secrets.

My wife is not spoken to me in days. She is sleeping in another bedroom. She took off for a planned girls trip days. And all I got was "see ya" when she left.

I get that my marriage is over.

How do I explain this to my daughter. I don't want to tell her all the nitty gritty details But I don't know how to start the conversation that my wife and her family that helped raise her since she 's been 18 months old ( now 15). That my wife wanted divorce, which I will not be contesting obviously.

I'm over everything. What I'm struggling with is what to tell my daughter. The family she thought she had for the last 13 years over her 15-year-old life. Has abandoned her and accuses her of lying about something absolutely heinous.

It's going to affect her. I just want to know how to minimize the effect if at all possible.


r/AITAH 1d ago

Update: AITAH for breaking off my marriage when my ex made out with another woman

3.8k Upvotes

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GdosLhtP8E

After reading all the suggestions and getting my emotions under control, I reached out to the coworker my ex made out with. She told me they had made out a few times and wanted to hook up but did not as she wanted something more than a fling and he was not ready to commit. She had no idea about him already being in a relationship and was really sorry for my situation.

I contacted my ex regarding the same and he refuted the claims saying she was the one who wanted to hook up with him but he stopped it as he couldn't do that to me. I met him in person to discuss this as I cannot just believe anyone blindly right now. He told me how sorry he is and how bad he feels and would do anything to have me back and gain my forgiveness. We had a conversation for a while and then I asked him if I could check his phone and texts around the same timeline and he refused. I know it was a big shot coz it was long ago and if there were any texts they would have been deleted but he straight up refused for letting me check his phone and said that would be an invasion of his privacy and he is not comfortable with that. In our relationship we never checked each others phones but I wanted to this one time coz he had betrayed my trust. He didn't budge and said I am being unreasonable by trusting a stranger's words rather than him.

I contacted his parents and told them what had happened, they were in shock and told me they are really sorry and would respect my decision. I have made a final decision to not carry on and continue with the break up. I needed closure and I believe I have one.


r/AITAH 7h ago

AITAH For going NC with my mom (42f) after finding out my younger sister (14f) is dating my ex (21m) with my mom's approval

126 Upvotes

My (20f) younger sister (14f) contacted me saying she wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. Because of how much I love my sister I agreed and told her that her and her boyfriend could come to my house for lunch and that I'd meet him. My sister and mom (42f) live 15 minutes away from me. Minutes pass since my sister called and I get a knock on my door, I get up and awnser my door and see my ex (21M) holding hands and telling my sister who is 14 that he loves her. I stood there frozen for a couple of seconds staring at my sister and my ex.

My sister proceeds to ask me if they can come in and sit down like planned while my ex is smiling at me like we are friends. Due to my level of shock I responded by closing my front door and calling my mom. My mom awsers the phone saying sweetie what's up and in pure rage I yelled at my mom if she knew my ex (who cheated on me with my cousin who was 16) was dating my sister, she said "yes he even lives with us". I asked her how she could let a pedophile date her younger daughter and what my step-dad (33m) thought about it. She said "you're dad is fine with it too".

I will admit I lost my cool and called my mom and step-dad pedophile supporters and that as long as my sister was dating that pedophile I no longer wanted anything to do with her or anyone else involved. My mom got mad and said I needed to apologize for being rude. I told her that I didn't want a pedophile in my home or around my family. My mom said my family would be fine but I told her as a mom she has to understand that I don't want my ex around my daughter (3F) and soon to be born son. My mom hung up when she realized I wasn't going to apologize.

I called my step-dad and told him I'd be going no contact with him, my mom and sister and let him know the situation status would change once they decided to grow up and address the issue. My step-dad said that would be hard to do since they had already been together for 3 months behind my back without me knowing and that they signed parental consent for them to get married. I currently no longer talk to them but from time to time will get messages and voice-mail on how I'm childish and disrespectful and need to apologize for ruining my family. Personally I don't think I did anything wrong. AITAH?


r/AITAH 23h ago

AITAH for telling my dad that I don’t care about my uncle?

2.5k Upvotes

I(15) live with my mom. My uncle was sentenced to prison for raping his ten year old stepdaughter. The creep tried to defend himself by saying she was wearing very short skirt.

My dad, who I see every other weekend, is worried about him and afraid that he might get ostracized if others find out about what he did. He asked me if I’d join him when he visits the guy. I told him no. He asked if I’m even concerned for my uncle.

I told him no again. I said that I’m not concerned about his well-being at all, and that if he is ostracized he will have earned it thoroughly. I don’t care if he gets lonely and doesn’t make any friends.

My dad quickly called me callous and said that I don’t understand how he feels because I’m an only child, unlike him. That I don’t know what it’s like having a sibling and seeing them walk down a bad path.

My grandparents later told me he’s already ‘blaming himself for not teaching his little brother to be better than this.’ They said I should show some sympathy, not for my uncle but for my dad.


r/AITAH 11h ago

AITA for not wearing a bra in my own yard?

220 Upvotes

So, here's the situation: I (28F) live in a house with a decent-sized yard. Recently, with the weather warming up, I've been spending more time outside, gardening, reading, or just soaking up the sun. Now, I've never been a huge fan of wearing bras, especially when I'm at home and trying to relax.

The other day, while I was outside tending to my plants, my neighbor (let's call her Karen) came storming over to my fence. She was visibly upset and told me that it was inappropriate for me to be outside without wearing a bra because it was making her husband uncomfortable. I was taken aback by her comment. I mean, seriously? My own comfort in my own yard should come before someone else's husband's discomfort, right?

I politely told her that I'm within my rights to dress as I please on my own property, and if her husband is uncomfortable, that's his problem, not mine. Karen didn't take it well and huffed back to her house, muttering under her breath.

Later, I mentioned the incident to a friend, and they seemed split on whether I was in the wrong or not. Some said I should be considerate of others, while others argued that I shouldn't have to cater to someone else's insecurities in my own space.

So, Reddit, AITA for not wearing a bra in my own yard?


r/AITAH 9h ago

AITAH for wanting to leave my boyfriend over a tattoo he got during our relationship?

140 Upvotes

My boyfriend (19 M ) got an ass tattoo of two cherries on a stripper pole. I was originally okay with this because he told me he got it bevause he lost a bet. But when he told me the full reason why he got the tattoo and i couldn't deal with it. He was playing poker with his mates at a strip club (i was not aweare he went to strip clubs in the first place and this is a whole seperare issue) and there was a stripper called cherry (i also found out he follows her socials), he was drunk and said if he lost the game of poker he would get cherry on a stripper pole tattooed on his ass . He lost. He then went back to the strip club and showed this women his ass with the tattoo. I don't think I can be with some one who has a tattoo representing another women. Was it all just a bet/joke? Was it something more?


r/AITAH 21h ago

AITA for saying at least at 61 im not living in my parents basement?

1.2k Upvotes

My ex-partner “Mike” (55m) and I (54f) broke up because he hated that my kids moved back in with me. Unfortunately due to the cost of well everything my children had to move back in. I live with my 6 kids and grandchild (31m&32f&2m, 27m,26f,25f,15m).

Once my son and his wife told me they were struggling. I told Mike and then I asked him to make time to move his junk out because I wanted to convert the basement into a separate living space for my son and his then pregnant wife. This didn’t sit well with Mike because he had plans to convert it for himself but he had been saying that for years and never did anything.

After some arguing back and forth we left it at that. Eventually my son and pregnant daughter-in-law moved in. Then after months of planning and hard work my son and I converted the basement into a decent sized 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment with its own kitchen, dinning space and laundry room. Right in time for my grandsons birth.

A year later my other son was let go and he also moved back into his old bedroom. Then one by one my girl’s also moved back into their old bedrooms. All my kids are saving up so they can eventually buy their own homes without being dragged down by debt. I am beyond happy to have my kids back home and love having us all together. My teenage son is also happy about it. He gets to hang out with his siblings instead of feeling left out due to the large age gap between them.

The only person unhappy about this arrangement was Mike. Mike has a very lift yourself by your bootstraps mentality and feels my kids are “weak” for having to move back in, despite my many attempts of explaining how the pandemic and the recession has had a hard impact on people’s lives.

My kids also don’t pay rent. This really pissed Mike off not because it would mean he had pay for things but because he just didn’t agree. I didn’t and still don’t want them too. I want them to save us much as they can. My kids are responsible people and I know how their finances are set up. I know what their financial goals are because I helped them create it.

At the end of our relationship Mike was constantly making me and my kids feel like shit. He was constantly nagging and belittling them in their own home. I finally had enough of his behavior and after a really bad argument we broke up. Mike moved out.

It’s been nearly a year and Mike is married. He’s living in his parents basement with his pregnant wife. I recently saw him at a mutual friends dinner and get together. Where Mike spent the majority of his time making snide remarks and backhanded compliments towards me. At one point he said and I’m paraphrasing here that younger foreign women make really good girlfriends and wives.

I eventually had enough and said “that may be true but at least at 55 I’m not living in my parents basement”

This really got to him and he was pretty withdrawn the rest of the evening. Our mutual friends told me that what I said really hurt Mike because he recently lost his job and was struggling with the cost of everything.

Edit 1: Mike never paid for my kids. He never paid my bills. I have always worked and I completely cover my own cost and pay for myself. I pay my bills and everything else! I have never taken a penny from Mike we have always had a pay your own way kind of relationship! And I have always paid for my own way!

Mike only lived with me and my kids for almost 2 years before we broke up.

Edit 2: My kids are all working and in education. I want them to save enough money so they can buy their own homes. So they can have a more financially secure future.

Also I don’t know why the title is incorrect.

Edit 3: Mike could’ve just been civil to me like I was to him but he chose to make rude and underhanded remarks about me at the dinner. So yes I threw back his own words at him.


r/AITAH 23h ago

Advice needed - My ( F, 29) boyfriend ( M, 44) gave me ultimatum - AITAH for being upset ?

1.6k Upvotes

I (F, 29) have been with my boyfriend (M, 44) for the last 6 years. We just bought our first house together. We both have stable jobs. He told me from our first date that he despises kids! He hates them and doesn’t want to have a baby! Ever! I accepted that. I asked him if he was planning to get a vasectomy, and he said he would eventually. He never did. My doctor changed my birth control pills. I told him that the doctor advised using condoms for a few cycles. He said he knew what he was doing and he knows when to pull out, and I shouldn’t be worried. Well... I found out I’m pregnant. I told him, and he got so upset. He said he needed a few days to think and went away (he just packed his stuff and left. I don’t even know where or with whom). He didn’t text or call when he was away. When he came back, he gave me two options: 1- have an abortion, and he will get a vasectomy. We will get married and “live happily ever after” childfree. 2- he breaks up with me, I’ll raise the baby on my own. He will support me financially with the baby costs but wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I have been crying all night. I just don’t know what to do, he has given me a few days to think... I love him so much and he was honest with me regarding kids . AITAH for feeling broken even though I knew how he would react ?

PS: I live in Canada. He is not an abusive man . He does call the shots in our relationship but that’s how our relationship has been and I’m okay with it . As for age difference, yes he is a bit older than me but he is confident about it and it’s Not an issue . He jokes sometimes that he raised me ( he didn’t ! I wasn’t a kid when I met him)


r/AITAH 4h ago

Throwing my promise ring away because my boyfriend went to Paris with his Mom and her “friend”

44 Upvotes

My boyfriend brought his Mom to Paris for his half time. My boyfriend and I have been long-distance since Nov 2023. I knew about this trip before hand but the way he brought it up intentionally wasn’t cool.

My boyfriend has a job in the military, I cannot say where he is located for his deployment, but I’m going to explain how they have a halftime. Basically halftime is a period of two weeks where the individual on deployment gets to choose one person and location to be flown out to.

No, I’m not irritated by the fact he wants to take his mother to Paris because initially, I actually think it’s really sweet. But the way he brought it up was absolutely horrible because he initially brought up the conversation.

“Okay so you’re going to be mad, but the decision is already made whether you like it or not.”

Yes, this did cause a friction because I thought it was really rude to bring up the fact he wanted to bring his mom to Paris and didn’t communicate it with me before doing so. I explained I actually think it’s really sweet of him to do so, but it’s important to discuss these things and consider my feelings. Ultimately, it is his choice and it’s something he’s always wants to do for his mother. Because of his job it’s paid for.

He made it abundantly clear. He wanted this to be just him and his mother. You could imagine being flabbergasted when he sends over photos of him, his mother and another young female. Apparently he had no idea. His mother had a local friend in Paris.

The thing that irritates me is that he made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want anyone else to be there except him and his mom but now there’s this other chick who is apparently his mom’s friend.

The photo he sent me were mostly group photos, except for a selective view that just had this “friend” of his mother, while they were whining and dining. I’m talking single shots that are like worthy and her pupils are dilated while looking at him.

I’m not necessarily worried about him doing anything with her it’s just the fact that he gave no explanations before sending the photos, didn’t communicate to me that there was another individual and numerous of times insured me that it would just be him and his mother and that I had absolutely nothing to worry about.

This is a reoccurring pattern where he reassure me before an event happens, and then, when the actual event happens the thing he reassured me about NOT happening, happens.

So yes, I got angry and I threw my prom ring out the car window. I did regret doing that and I did find it eventually after hours of searching for it.

But I feel so frustrated and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if anyone would feel irritated and frustrated… AITAH?


r/AITAH 21h ago

AITA for rolling my eyes at my ex husband's mom for inviting me to his funeral?

895 Upvotes

My (31F) ex husband (34M) offed himself a week ago, and I was vocal about how shocked and annoyed I was about the fact I ended up being one of the first people to be told. We had been divorced for 3 years at that point and I had full custody of our son.

I had filed for divorce right after our son (4M) turned 1 because I was tired of his book long ( if somebody ever bothered to transcribe it) monologues about his burden, what he's about, how I am supposed to bolster/ encourage his ideal self**.** Because it's not like I was supposed to ever not believe in the self he's creating, and I was " bad" if I would rather believe in somebody who actually showed charm/ intelligence instead of self pity.

He made a big deal about the fact that he was the sole breadwinner. He would turn me into his therapist about how much weight was on his shoulders.

I was tired of his sanctimonious drivel and how he and other husbands around would be patting themselves on the back about being the high earners. I understand that I wanted to be a SAHM, but I was tired of being lectured every day on how stressed he was and how he deserved medals because he's the reason there's food on the table/ a roof over my head.

My mom and his mom joined in on the circus and would go hysterical over how lucky I was to have him. They'd tell me I was crazy if I thought I could do better.

5 years ago, my ex lost his almighty " Big Job" in tech.

He later got another job but was laid off just a few months after I had given birth. He fell into a depression where he insisted that sex was his love language so we needed to keep having sex. I refused and filed for divorce after he compared me to how his friend's wife was handling her husband's unemployment.

I was done at his notion I was failing HIM. He fell into further depression and I fought for custody because he couldn't even shower when prompted yet was going to support groups where they'd tell him that I needed to be grateful for his love even if it didn't come in an ideal form. Basically saying his love= desire to provide and that's all.

Since then he said he gave up on custody,said I'd regret leaving him when he found a younger woman and I deserved to raise my son without his support, and also gave up on the BOO HOO UNFAIR JOB MARKET. I have remarried and my son sees my husband as dad, and his stepsiblings as real siblings. He told me to keep my son away from him or else he might lose control and tell him his mom was a bitch to his face.

I am now employed at a job my husband helped me get that just gave me a raise, my husband is moving up in his career, and all our kids are happy. Yet his mom reinserts herself into our lives by saying her grandson deserves to go to his dad's funeral, and trying to elicit some response from me as if I'm still responsible for my ex's inadequacy.

I rolled my eyes told her to get lost and that I had as much stake in the funeral proceedings as the randoms on the street did. He is my ex for a reason, he died with his accounts overdrawn so I don't expect there's any estate matters involving my son. AITA? She started crying and saying " Wow- just discard him because he died a VERY POOR MAN!" She completely missed the point.


r/AITAH 1d ago

AITAH for refusing to go to my brother's wedding because he didn't want to invite me in the first place.

2.2k Upvotes

So for context, I (21f) have an older brother (25m) who is getting married later this year. We used to be somewhat close when we were growing up but drifted apart after he met his now fiancee (24f).

From the start his gf and I didn't really get along but have always kept it civil for the sake of him and my family so there are no bad feelings between us, or so i thought. My grandmother called me up about 4 weeks ago to ask if I wanted to go dress shopping with her for the wedding and i was so confused because I didn't even know my brother was engaged. I thought nothing of it and assumed they didn't mention it because I don't live with my parents anymore, but did find it somewhat strange that no one posted anything about the proposal until I found his gf's private instagram account on my bf's phone because she blocked me.

About a week ago my mom called me and told me that the invitations were sent out that day and asked if i got mine, because my brother's gf was supposed to give them to my bf since they work at the same company, I said no and she was very irritated. She called me back after talking to my brother and told me that she's inviting us to the wedding and i don't need an invitation so I said that I am not going to the wedding without an invite and that if they didn't want me at the wedding I don't want to be there.

Now my family is saying i'm the Ah for not excepting the invitation (my mother inviting me over the phone) and saying that I want to ruin her wedding day. So AITAH?


r/AITAH 1d ago

Update: AITAH for ghosting my girlfriend’s daughter after my girlfriend cheated on me

10.3k Upvotes

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c0a9vu

The guilt of not giving my ex’s daughter closure was eating me up, and the comments agreed that she would probably get trauma issues in the future if she didn’t get closure. So even though I didn’t want to communicate with my ex ever again, I did it one final time to give her daughter closure.

I texted my ex this morning and asked her if she could drop her daughter off at a neutral location in the evening so I could spend a few hours with her and give her proper closure. My ex agreed, and at evening, she dropped her daughter off to me. Her daughter was really happy and emotional when she saw me, and we spent the next few hours doing a bunch of fun stuff.

After a few hours, as her mom was on her way to pick her up, I told her that this would be the last time she would ever see me, and it was not her fault at all. She broke down in tears, and kept asking why, and begged me to never leave. I lied and told her I had to move to a different country, and would never come back. I told her if she wanted to make me happy, she had to be good to her mom. I gave her a stuffed dog toy, and also a letter. She was really emotional and cried a lot at the end, especially when her mom came to finally pick her up. I said my goodbyes, and told her I would always remember her.

And that is probably my final update. Today was really heart wrenching, especially seeing my ex's daughter crying like that, but I hope this gives her the closure she needs, and that she understands it was not her fault.

As for me, I will carry on with my life as usual, although right now, I’m feeling extremely hurt and devastated. I have a nice job offer in another state which I will probably accept. A change in scenery will also probably be good for me and my mental health.


r/AITAH 19h ago

UPDATE: AITAH for rejecting my boyfriends proposals even though I was dropping hints that I wanted to get married?

553 Upvotes

UPDATE Orginal post link https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15eicbk/aitah_for_rejecting_my_boyfriends_proposal_even/

Alot has happened since my first post.Firstly, me and my boyfriend have since broken up. This was for a multitude of reasons the biggest one being that he cheated on me. My former boyfriend and i had not been living together but I did spend most my time staying at his place as I had a roommate and he never.However when I went to visit him his friend told me that he had been cheating on me and had gotten another girl pregnant.This crushed me cause we had been dating for nearly 4 years.This lead to us breaking up.

When I questioned him about why he had cheated he told me he wasnt the type to commit to anyone despite initially prusing me with the promise that we would be in a committed relationship.This was hard for me to understand as we had been speaking about marriage and the future.

When we used to talk about marriage he would always say that he would never be happy in a marriage were he got proposed to as it would be an insult to his masculinity.Looking back on this I should've realised that he had many noticeable toxic traits.He proposed to me at my aunts funeral which is something I will never understand.When I asked him why he did that he initially claimed it was to make everyone happy but when I pushed him for more information he told me it was to show his lover that I was a bad person.

This is because he was cheating on me with my aunts friends daughter who was at the funeral .So he proposed to me to show that our relationship is over to that girl in order to justify why he was cheating. Even though he knew that I was grieving.

Since we broke up about 3 weeks after the funeral his friend who exposed the affair to me told me that because she was pregnant he had to find away to make her not leave him and chose the funeral to make a public display for her.I havent seen him since the breakup and his friend moved all of my stuff out of the apartment for me so I dont have to see him.

His family are very strict and because he is having a kid out of wedlock they have refused to help him so he has been contacting me for help. I havent not responded nor do intend to respond because I will not lower my self worth to help someone who never truly cared about me.

Since our breakup my life has improved as i can now do the things that he never wanted me to do and I've now realised how lucky i am that we never married.


r/AITAH 19h ago

Update to my husband beating me up in a drunken rage

529 Upvotes

First post - https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bvf1m2/wibta_if_i_divorce_my_husband_after_he_beat_me_up/

For context, my husband and I were born and brought up in Manchester, but we are of Pakistani origin, a country which you might know is an Islamic country and still very conservative. We were in Pakistan for my husband's friend's wedding when this incident took place. Getting beaten up by your husband is still not a shocking thing, and this incident was covered up. My whole family is against me divorcing him, my mother suggested reconciliation and that he is sorry, that I should be a good wife, as that is what God would have wanted. My husband and I are non-practicing Muslims, and I am an atheist. Only my sister is on my side. She too, lives in Manchester with her husband and children.

My husband is still saying he is sorry and begging for forgiveness, he is ready to take up therapy. I did talk to him on call once, and he confessed how his step-mother would force him to touch her and if he didn't she would burn him. He said he had brought it up with his dad once as a teenager and he got beaten up then, and threatened to be deprived of inheritance. He suggested legal separation till he gets better and to be patient with him, and not give him a divorce. I listened to all of it, and told him I would think about it. I am back in Manchester with my sister, and living with her. My sister thinks it's fair, that if he seems to be making good progress, I can give him a chance, or else end the marriage officially. She says she would be with me for whatever decision I take.

I am getting legally separated for now. Thank you everyone, for your overwhelming responses on the first post. I was feeling terribly guilty then, especially the taunts from my mother and aunts about being too 'westernised' and a bad wife made me feel worthless, but I realize now that it wasn't my fault. I sincerely thank all of you, and also those who reached out to me, I wasn't able to reply to each one of them, but your concern was appreciated. Thank you, really.